Part 5 (a)
They started their last day togethter in Mukteshwar with a visit to Mukteshwar Dham, the 350 year old Shiva Temple which gave its name to the quaint and beautiful hilly town.
'I don't want to visit the temple, for god sake Bani!' protested Jai, even as Bani smiled back at him and hold his hands, dragged him towards the precints of the ancient temples.
'My town, my day, my wish...you told me that I had you for one whole day and one whole night and I can take you anywhere I want to.'
Jai stared at her and then realizing that she wouldn't be giving up so easily, kicked the shoes of his feet carelessly and commented, 'well, if nothing else...atleast you are getting good in arguments due to my influence!'
They both laughed and walked into the temple, where much to Jai's amusement, Bani instantly started a friendly and cheerful conversation with the temple priest, enquiring about his wife, his children and their children too.
'Is there anyone in this bloody town whom you don't know on a one to one basis?' asked Jai, as they both took the perambulation of the temple complex, Bani with her hands folded in respect and devotion and Jai checking out the ancient murals and sculptures with the eye of an art collector.
'Our Mahantji has been the temple priest for the last five decades now...everyone knows him. Besides, its a small place...its nice to know everyone on a one to one basis, isn't it?' spoke Bani conversationally, putting some red tikka on Jai's forehead, even as he made faces but did not protest.
'No, its not! Its a waste of time knowing people without a reason.' retorted Jai, taking out his phone and clicking some pictures of the temple. Before Bani could retort, he turned the phone towards their side and putting his arms around her shoulder, brought her close to his face and clicked a picture of them together.
'This is to show to my friends, that indeed Florence Nightinagle has taken a rebirth in the hot and happening town of Mukteshwar and she personally took care of me, making bowls of delicious khichdi and playing innumerous games of scrabble to entertain my bored self here!'
Bursting into giggles at his humor, they both proceeded to walk out of the temple towards Chauli-ki-jali, a huge overhanging cliff from which there was an excellent view of the valley below.
'I am scared of heights, okay...' mentioned Jai, making Bani laugh as she helped him climb the slippery rocks, from which they could have a vantage view of the stunning Kumaon valley below.
'I wonder how you deal with criminals on a daily basis if you are scared of heights?' quipped Bani mischeviously, knowing that any aspersion on his ability as a lawyer, however casually said, would provoke an instant and mostly comical reaction from him.
Jai simply grinned and retorted back, 'As it happens, the criminals I represent depend on me to set them free...so they are the ones who are scared of me...but here...one push and there I go...my brilliant and bright life ended in the blink of an eye' and saying that he shuddered and moved back, while Bani boldly stood at the corner of the boulder.
'Hey superwoman...come down, okay? One misstep and there goes your life into oblivion! If you have to die, atleast achieve something before that!'
Not moving from her spot, she asked him playfully, 'What is there to achieve?'
'I don't know...perhaps your graduation degree...maybe a good job...move out of this one-horse town...find the man of your dreams...get married...have kids...hopefully not pile on more weight than you already have...get involved in a crime...and come begging to me for help...'
Jai could not go on speaking, as Bani collasped into fits of laughter at all that he was saying and before she could steady herself, slipped over the rock and began a downward temple, just as Jai leapt forward and caught hold of her arms and pulled her with all his force towards the ground, making them both lose balance and fall down.
'YOU IDIOT!' shouted Jai in alarm, even as Bani remained in shock at what would have happened a moment before. 'That is what I was warning you before...what if you would have slipped and fallen down?' Jai was shaking with anger, as Bani looked him in his eyes and spoke softly, 'would you miss me if I am gone forever, Jai?'
Jai could not decide whether it was the gravity of her words or the tone in which she spoke, that seemed to resonate in his heart and for once he felt speechless. Realizing that he was still holding her in his arms, he broke free gently and moved away, conscious of what she had said and the impact of her words on him.
'What sort of a question is that?' asked Jai awkwardly, knowing very well what Bani meant.
'A simple one. Will you miss me when you leave Mukteshwar?'
Feeling utterly self-conscious of her probing eyes and the innocence and hope with which she asked him a question, for which he really did not have an answer.
'I suppose so.' answered Jai, noncomittally, dragging her from the boulders and walking ahead, mosly to avoid the conversation which was making him feel uncomfortable.
He was not oblivious to what was going on in Bani's mind and in some part felt guilty about encouraging her feelings for the last few months since they had become such close friends...because if he had shut the door on her face long back, he would have gone made with the loneliness enveloping his life.
And even though he knew and realized that Bani harboured a crush on him, Jai chose to ignore the fact. It was not as if he felt anything for the girl, apart from a great fondness and affection, but not for one moment, had he harboured even a hint of romantic feelings for her.
The very thought was comical to Jai...for him Bani was nothing more than a child, a rather adorable one, who cared for him and entertained him, filling his days with her cheerful chatter and youthful company. But that was it.
Hoping to put-off Bani with his lackluster answer, Jai tried to steer the conversation towards something else and commented, 'Shall we go to Jim Corbette's house now? The day is so clear and beautiful...I bet we can see the peaks of Nanda Devi today!'
Hurt by his complete disregard for her feelings and for the fact that he did not even bother to take her question seriously, nevertheless Bani accompanied him, but was much quieter now.
Somehow the odd moment seemed to have put a dampner in their outing and though they both realized that it was probably the last time they were seeing one another, none was ready to break the impasse. Jai took an over-enthusiastic interest in visiting Jim Corbette's house and struck a long and pointless conversation with the guide, insisting on spending a good two hours rambling about the place, even though he and Bani had visited the place several times over the last one year that Jai had spent in Mukteshwar.
It was close to lunch time and Jai was wondering how to skip out of the lunch date they were both supposed to have had, when his eyes fell on the young girl sitting impassively under the leafy Palash tree, staring vacantly at the snow-clad peaks in the distance. Feeling mortified by his behaviour and the immature manner in which he had dealt with her, Jai shrugged his head and walked towards her.
'Bani...where do you want to go for Lunch? Mountain Trail? Xenobar's? Or that terrible unhygenic eatery in Mall Road that you so love?'
Jai had hoped to make her smile at his comment, but was shocked to see her eyes filled with tears and before he could react, she just got up from the place where she had been sitting and sprinted away, even as Jai followed her, calling out her name. She could not go very far, mostly because of being overwhelmed by tears and Jai had regained much of his previous health and could catch up with her in no time.
'Hey PT Usha! What the hell? Why did you take off like that?' asked Jai, in between trying to catch his breath and stopping Bani from running any further.
Bani refused to turn and look around at him, but Jai was not having any more of her odd behaviour and catching hold of her face in the palm of his hand, forced her to turn around and looked into her eyes.
'What the hell is your problem, young lady? I thought we were supposed to make our last day together memorable...not melodramatic! Why are you crying?'
Going red with embarassment and unable to stop the flow of tears, she mumbled in a shaking voice, 'Nothing...let me go. I don't want to have lunch...please.'
'Don't have lunch, its okay! You won't die if you skip one meal a day! But do you mind telling me what just happened?' asked Jai with exaggerated patience.
'Nothing...just let me go. Please Jai!' yelled Bani, surprising Jai with the tenor of her voice, but he did not losen his grip, instead held her arm more firmly and brought himself closer to her.
'Bani...please don't complicate things. I beg of you. Please.'
His words made her tears stop and she looked at him with watery eyes, questioning his statement mutely.
Jai gave a circumspect smile and said, 'you know very well what I am talking about...' and loosened his grip on her arms, assured that she won't have another meltdown, causing him to chase her all over the town.
They both stood in the strange silence for a while, only the incessant chirping of birds could be heard...Jai realized how much he had come to love the sounds of nature that he had so despised only a few months back.
'Come sit down here...I want to talk to you.'
Almost automatically, Bani obeyed and took a seat on the small wooded area outside of Jim Corbette's house.
Jai cleared his throat and tried to compose his words...he honestly did not know what he was supposed to say to Bani. She solved his problem by suddenly blurting out, 'I love you' and buried her face in the palms of her hands.
Later on, Jai couldn't decide whether it was the childish impetuousness with which she had said those words or the very choice of those words which caused Jai to splutter with laughter followed by a hysterical bout of mirth, which refused to die down even after he had actually left Mukteshwar.
When his laughter had died down, he saw Bani's heartbroken face...she wasn't crying this time, but the hurt in her eyes instantly made Jai feel sorry for his careless reaction to her confession of love.
'Bani, I did not mean to...' Jai tried to explain, but he simply could not help laughing at what she had just said and he found it difficult speak properly, trying to control his amusement.
She had gotten up by now and started to walk, but he caught her hand and said simply, 'Well, I love you too!'
Bani looked back at Jai with her tear strained face registering disbelief and it turned even more shocked when she noticed that he wasn't laughing anymore.
'I love you like a friend...I love you because you are such a sweetheart...I love you because you are so kind and caring and good-natured...I love you because you are the nicest person I ever met...why just me? Anyone who knows you will love you, Bani! That's just the way you are!'
Bani sat mutely, staring at him with uncomprehending tear-filled eyes, as he held her hands and spoke gently, in a way that she had never heard him speak before.
'But I am not IN love with you, Bani...if you understand what I mean.'
'Why not?' asked Bani, with utter simplicity.
Jai was struck by her question and found himself speechless for a while, before embarking on giving her an answer.
'I...I don't know...there is really no reason for it...I mean...I don't think we are particularly compatible...' Jai realized how idiotic he sounded, but he simply did not know what to say to her, without breaking her heart any further than he had already done.
Bani stared at him for sometime and then spoke slowly, 'we spend most of our waking ours together...we share all our problems...all our feelings with each other on a daily basis...we play board games for hours on end...we share our food...we go on long walks together...we even listen to songs on the same earphones at times...and you are saying that we are not compatible?'
Taken aback by the conviction in her voice and feeling utterly beleagured by the situation he was in, Jai fumbled with his words, going red in his face, 'I meant...we are not physically compatible...really Bani! Why are we even having this conversation?'
Unrelenting, Bani answered back in a calm but hurt voice, 'Then say that! Say that you don't love me because you think I am not good-looking enough for you...that you don't find me your equal because I lack your sophistication and education and class...don't lie to me on my face by making up things.'
Saying that she got up and crossing her hands, spoke casually, 'Lets go now. I am feeling hungry. We can eat at Mountain Trail.'
Leaving Jai with his mouth half-open in shock, she started walking, when Jai got up and caught up with her, catching hold of her hands and speaking in an indignant voice, 'Excuse me? What did you just say? Did you just accuse me of being a superficial bastard? And me? Judging people on looks, when I myself look like a half-baked chicken with my bald head and bony physique? How dare you?'
Not fazed by his show of temper, Bani looked at him in his eyes and said, 'You very well know that you are no longer bald and definitely not bony...and in a few months, you will be back to what you were before your illness...and I am not accusing you of being superficial...least of all abusing you in any manner. I simply said your reasons for not having any feelings for me are a lie...and if you cannot tell me the truth, then don't tell me anything. But please don't lie to me on my face.'
Trembling with fury and not knowing how to handle this new version of Bani, Jai looked here and there in utter frustration and all but yelled, 'I cannot believe this...here I am standing with a girl who on the one hand is confessing her love to me and on the other hand is calling me a liar and a shallow man. GO TO HELL! I am going back to the cottage and having my lunch on my own!'
Bani called out tranquilly to him, 'Girdhari Kaka has been given the day off by you...all your stuff has been packed and sent away. What you will eat?'
Glaring at her with anger, Jai yelled, 'First of all, your grammer is incorrect. Its not what you will eat, its what will you eat? And the answer for that is, its none of your bloody business. And let me tell you one thing, young lady. All you have for me is one stupid crush...which you are mistaking for love. You don't even know what love is.'
'Do you?'
'OH! SHUT UP, BANI!' bellowed Jai and stormed off, followed by Bani, who just walked behind him inaudibly.
Jai stormed off inside his cottage, fuming in anger at what had just happened and not quite believing that of all the people Bani could have the guts to have cross-questioned him in this manner.
It was about half an hour later, when he heard a soft knock on his front door and he shouted irritatedly, 'THERE IS NO ONE HOME. GET LOST.'
Nevertheless the door opened and Bani stepped in, holding a steel bowl with mittens as a warm and earth aroma of cooked rice and lentils floated in the air.
'I told you to get lost. Didn't you hear?' said Jai, glaring icily at Bani.
She simply replied with a warm smile, 'You also said that there was no one home.'
Scowling fiercely at Bani, who gave him a cute smile and placed the bowl on the table and said, 'Now have this kichdi before it turns cold. Its close to 4 now...you must be starving.'
'Don't you think you owe me an apology?' asked Jai in an aceribic tone.
'For what?' came back Bani, looking genuinly bewildered.
Clasping his fists in irritation, Jai snapped back, 'For that scene you created sometime ago!'
Unfazed, Bani answered back, 'you are the one who shouted and yelled and stomped your foot in anger and stormed off like a five year old child. How come I am the one who created a scene?'
Taken aback by her retort, Jai got up from his seat and even as his ears turned red with anger, they both burst out laughing almost at the same time.
'Where on earth did you learn to speak like that, Ms. Dixit?' asked Jai grinning at her.
'Where else? I have been next-door neighbours with a brilliant lawyer for the last one year...some of his genius had to rub-off on me, isn't it, Mr. Walia?'
Jai threw his head back laughing, delighted at the way Bani had bettered him and coming near her, spoke tentatively, 'you were joking about being in love with me ect. ect earlier, right?'
She flushed a bit and lowered her eyelids, but her voice held nothing else than a quiet confidence, 'No, I wasn't.'
Taking a deep breath, Jai started speaking in an exasperated voice, 'Bani...'
She looked up at him and keeping her palm on his lips, smiled at him and said, 'I understand....you don't have to waste your energy trying to explain how wrong all this is and how you have never seen me as anything more than a friend...maybe not even that...because even friendship is between equals, isn't it? I know that...yet...I won't lie to you by saying that I am not in love with you...and its truly nothing but a childish crush. I am not a 13 year old to have a crush and misunderstand it for something else...I might not be as worldly wise as you are...but I think I am quite aware of my own feelings.'
Struck by her confidence, something that he had never seen in her and by the fact that she was so vocal and honest about her feelings, Jai was quite lost for words and when he found his voice, he smiled at her and said, 'Well, if that is so...then I am honored.' and then without thinking added, 'Any man would be lucky to have a girl like you.' Jai instantly regretted the choice of his words, realizing what a hypocrite he sounded like, rejecting her on the one hand and telling her that she would be a prize catch for any man. But he did not have to worry about anything, because Bani did not reply to his statement and simply said, 'have the kichdi...its already turning cold.'
Jai grinned at her, as he sat down and attacked his food with relish, 'I...wow...this will be some day to remember...there have been many women who have propositioned me...but none who proposed to me...'
'I did not propose to you. Proposal means asking someone to marry them, isn't it?' asked Bani, as if she was confirming the answer to a maths riddle.
Jai laughed and in between gulping spoonful of the hot dish, answered back in a casual manner, 'Yes...but confessing your love to someone is also a sort of proposal...I mean, if you love someone...its quite possible that you might also want to marry that person...'
Realizing what he was blabbering, Jai looked up at her and spoke hastily, 'I did not...Good Lord...I don't know what has come over me...I normally never fumble with my words...' and then added with mischief, 'but then its not everyday that girls half my age tell me that they are in love with me!'
Bani laughed and replied back, 'I am not half your age...just 10 years younger.'
'Thank you for reminding. That does make me feel very young indeed.' spoke Jai with saradonic humor.
They both laughed and joked, sharing their last lunch together before Jai was set to depart from Mukteshwar, brushing aside everything Bani had said in the morning. Jai simply did not want to take anything that she had said to him seriously and Bani realized that no matter how serious she was, Jai would never realize or accept the gravity of her words or feelings. She had no misgivings against him for the same...for Bani realized that Jai simply did not feel like that for her...he was being completely honest when he had said to her that he loved her but he was not in love with her. Just as she could not help falling in love with Jai, even he could not help not falling in love with her. There was really no explanation for such things and Bani felt best to leave things as they were.
She had opened her heart to him and he had taken it in good spirits, though at the same time, dismissing her emotions and feelings as that of a child, charming but ultimately meaningless.
They started their last day togethter in Mukteshwar with a visit to Mukteshwar Dham, the 350 year old Shiva Temple which gave its name to the quaint and beautiful hilly town.
'I don't want to visit the temple, for god sake Bani!' protested Jai, even as Bani smiled back at him and hold his hands, dragged him towards the precints of the ancient temples.
'My town, my day, my wish...you told me that I had you for one whole day and one whole night and I can take you anywhere I want to.'
Jai stared at her and then realizing that she wouldn't be giving up so easily, kicked the shoes of his feet carelessly and commented, 'well, if nothing else...atleast you are getting good in arguments due to my influence!'
They both laughed and walked into the temple, where much to Jai's amusement, Bani instantly started a friendly and cheerful conversation with the temple priest, enquiring about his wife, his children and their children too.
'Is there anyone in this bloody town whom you don't know on a one to one basis?' asked Jai, as they both took the perambulation of the temple complex, Bani with her hands folded in respect and devotion and Jai checking out the ancient murals and sculptures with the eye of an art collector.
'Our Mahantji has been the temple priest for the last five decades now...everyone knows him. Besides, its a small place...its nice to know everyone on a one to one basis, isn't it?' spoke Bani conversationally, putting some red tikka on Jai's forehead, even as he made faces but did not protest.
'No, its not! Its a waste of time knowing people without a reason.' retorted Jai, taking out his phone and clicking some pictures of the temple. Before Bani could retort, he turned the phone towards their side and putting his arms around her shoulder, brought her close to his face and clicked a picture of them together.
'This is to show to my friends, that indeed Florence Nightinagle has taken a rebirth in the hot and happening town of Mukteshwar and she personally took care of me, making bowls of delicious khichdi and playing innumerous games of scrabble to entertain my bored self here!'
Bursting into giggles at his humor, they both proceeded to walk out of the temple towards Chauli-ki-jali, a huge overhanging cliff from which there was an excellent view of the valley below.
'I am scared of heights, okay...' mentioned Jai, making Bani laugh as she helped him climb the slippery rocks, from which they could have a vantage view of the stunning Kumaon valley below.
'I wonder how you deal with criminals on a daily basis if you are scared of heights?' quipped Bani mischeviously, knowing that any aspersion on his ability as a lawyer, however casually said, would provoke an instant and mostly comical reaction from him.
Jai simply grinned and retorted back, 'As it happens, the criminals I represent depend on me to set them free...so they are the ones who are scared of me...but here...one push and there I go...my brilliant and bright life ended in the blink of an eye' and saying that he shuddered and moved back, while Bani boldly stood at the corner of the boulder.
'Hey superwoman...come down, okay? One misstep and there goes your life into oblivion! If you have to die, atleast achieve something before that!'
Not moving from her spot, she asked him playfully, 'What is there to achieve?'
'I don't know...perhaps your graduation degree...maybe a good job...move out of this one-horse town...find the man of your dreams...get married...have kids...hopefully not pile on more weight than you already have...get involved in a crime...and come begging to me for help...'
Jai could not go on speaking, as Bani collasped into fits of laughter at all that he was saying and before she could steady herself, slipped over the rock and began a downward temple, just as Jai leapt forward and caught hold of her arms and pulled her with all his force towards the ground, making them both lose balance and fall down.
'YOU IDIOT!' shouted Jai in alarm, even as Bani remained in shock at what would have happened a moment before. 'That is what I was warning you before...what if you would have slipped and fallen down?' Jai was shaking with anger, as Bani looked him in his eyes and spoke softly, 'would you miss me if I am gone forever, Jai?'
Jai could not decide whether it was the gravity of her words or the tone in which she spoke, that seemed to resonate in his heart and for once he felt speechless. Realizing that he was still holding her in his arms, he broke free gently and moved away, conscious of what she had said and the impact of her words on him.
'What sort of a question is that?' asked Jai awkwardly, knowing very well what Bani meant.
'A simple one. Will you miss me when you leave Mukteshwar?'
Feeling utterly self-conscious of her probing eyes and the innocence and hope with which she asked him a question, for which he really did not have an answer.
'I suppose so.' answered Jai, noncomittally, dragging her from the boulders and walking ahead, mosly to avoid the conversation which was making him feel uncomfortable.
He was not oblivious to what was going on in Bani's mind and in some part felt guilty about encouraging her feelings for the last few months since they had become such close friends...because if he had shut the door on her face long back, he would have gone made with the loneliness enveloping his life.
And even though he knew and realized that Bani harboured a crush on him, Jai chose to ignore the fact. It was not as if he felt anything for the girl, apart from a great fondness and affection, but not for one moment, had he harboured even a hint of romantic feelings for her.
The very thought was comical to Jai...for him Bani was nothing more than a child, a rather adorable one, who cared for him and entertained him, filling his days with her cheerful chatter and youthful company. But that was it.
Hoping to put-off Bani with his lackluster answer, Jai tried to steer the conversation towards something else and commented, 'Shall we go to Jim Corbette's house now? The day is so clear and beautiful...I bet we can see the peaks of Nanda Devi today!'
Hurt by his complete disregard for her feelings and for the fact that he did not even bother to take her question seriously, nevertheless Bani accompanied him, but was much quieter now.
Somehow the odd moment seemed to have put a dampner in their outing and though they both realized that it was probably the last time they were seeing one another, none was ready to break the impasse. Jai took an over-enthusiastic interest in visiting Jim Corbette's house and struck a long and pointless conversation with the guide, insisting on spending a good two hours rambling about the place, even though he and Bani had visited the place several times over the last one year that Jai had spent in Mukteshwar.
It was close to lunch time and Jai was wondering how to skip out of the lunch date they were both supposed to have had, when his eyes fell on the young girl sitting impassively under the leafy Palash tree, staring vacantly at the snow-clad peaks in the distance. Feeling mortified by his behaviour and the immature manner in which he had dealt with her, Jai shrugged his head and walked towards her.
'Bani...where do you want to go for Lunch? Mountain Trail? Xenobar's? Or that terrible unhygenic eatery in Mall Road that you so love?'
Jai had hoped to make her smile at his comment, but was shocked to see her eyes filled with tears and before he could react, she just got up from the place where she had been sitting and sprinted away, even as Jai followed her, calling out her name. She could not go very far, mostly because of being overwhelmed by tears and Jai had regained much of his previous health and could catch up with her in no time.
'Hey PT Usha! What the hell? Why did you take off like that?' asked Jai, in between trying to catch his breath and stopping Bani from running any further.
Bani refused to turn and look around at him, but Jai was not having any more of her odd behaviour and catching hold of her face in the palm of his hand, forced her to turn around and looked into her eyes.
'What the hell is your problem, young lady? I thought we were supposed to make our last day together memorable...not melodramatic! Why are you crying?'
Going red with embarassment and unable to stop the flow of tears, she mumbled in a shaking voice, 'Nothing...let me go. I don't want to have lunch...please.'
'Don't have lunch, its okay! You won't die if you skip one meal a day! But do you mind telling me what just happened?' asked Jai with exaggerated patience.
'Nothing...just let me go. Please Jai!' yelled Bani, surprising Jai with the tenor of her voice, but he did not losen his grip, instead held her arm more firmly and brought himself closer to her.
'Bani...please don't complicate things. I beg of you. Please.'
His words made her tears stop and she looked at him with watery eyes, questioning his statement mutely.
Jai gave a circumspect smile and said, 'you know very well what I am talking about...' and loosened his grip on her arms, assured that she won't have another meltdown, causing him to chase her all over the town.
They both stood in the strange silence for a while, only the incessant chirping of birds could be heard...Jai realized how much he had come to love the sounds of nature that he had so despised only a few months back.
'Come sit down here...I want to talk to you.'
Almost automatically, Bani obeyed and took a seat on the small wooded area outside of Jim Corbette's house.
Jai cleared his throat and tried to compose his words...he honestly did not know what he was supposed to say to Bani. She solved his problem by suddenly blurting out, 'I love you' and buried her face in the palms of her hands.
Later on, Jai couldn't decide whether it was the childish impetuousness with which she had said those words or the very choice of those words which caused Jai to splutter with laughter followed by a hysterical bout of mirth, which refused to die down even after he had actually left Mukteshwar.
When his laughter had died down, he saw Bani's heartbroken face...she wasn't crying this time, but the hurt in her eyes instantly made Jai feel sorry for his careless reaction to her confession of love.
'Bani, I did not mean to...' Jai tried to explain, but he simply could not help laughing at what she had just said and he found it difficult speak properly, trying to control his amusement.
She had gotten up by now and started to walk, but he caught her hand and said simply, 'Well, I love you too!'
Bani looked back at Jai with her tear strained face registering disbelief and it turned even more shocked when she noticed that he wasn't laughing anymore.
'I love you like a friend...I love you because you are such a sweetheart...I love you because you are so kind and caring and good-natured...I love you because you are the nicest person I ever met...why just me? Anyone who knows you will love you, Bani! That's just the way you are!'
Bani sat mutely, staring at him with uncomprehending tear-filled eyes, as he held her hands and spoke gently, in a way that she had never heard him speak before.
'But I am not IN love with you, Bani...if you understand what I mean.'
'Why not?' asked Bani, with utter simplicity.
Jai was struck by her question and found himself speechless for a while, before embarking on giving her an answer.
'I...I don't know...there is really no reason for it...I mean...I don't think we are particularly compatible...' Jai realized how idiotic he sounded, but he simply did not know what to say to her, without breaking her heart any further than he had already done.
Bani stared at him for sometime and then spoke slowly, 'we spend most of our waking ours together...we share all our problems...all our feelings with each other on a daily basis...we play board games for hours on end...we share our food...we go on long walks together...we even listen to songs on the same earphones at times...and you are saying that we are not compatible?'
Taken aback by the conviction in her voice and feeling utterly beleagured by the situation he was in, Jai fumbled with his words, going red in his face, 'I meant...we are not physically compatible...really Bani! Why are we even having this conversation?'
Unrelenting, Bani answered back in a calm but hurt voice, 'Then say that! Say that you don't love me because you think I am not good-looking enough for you...that you don't find me your equal because I lack your sophistication and education and class...don't lie to me on my face by making up things.'
Saying that she got up and crossing her hands, spoke casually, 'Lets go now. I am feeling hungry. We can eat at Mountain Trail.'
Leaving Jai with his mouth half-open in shock, she started walking, when Jai got up and caught up with her, catching hold of her hands and speaking in an indignant voice, 'Excuse me? What did you just say? Did you just accuse me of being a superficial bastard? And me? Judging people on looks, when I myself look like a half-baked chicken with my bald head and bony physique? How dare you?'
Not fazed by his show of temper, Bani looked at him in his eyes and said, 'You very well know that you are no longer bald and definitely not bony...and in a few months, you will be back to what you were before your illness...and I am not accusing you of being superficial...least of all abusing you in any manner. I simply said your reasons for not having any feelings for me are a lie...and if you cannot tell me the truth, then don't tell me anything. But please don't lie to me on my face.'
Trembling with fury and not knowing how to handle this new version of Bani, Jai looked here and there in utter frustration and all but yelled, 'I cannot believe this...here I am standing with a girl who on the one hand is confessing her love to me and on the other hand is calling me a liar and a shallow man. GO TO HELL! I am going back to the cottage and having my lunch on my own!'
Bani called out tranquilly to him, 'Girdhari Kaka has been given the day off by you...all your stuff has been packed and sent away. What you will eat?'
Glaring at her with anger, Jai yelled, 'First of all, your grammer is incorrect. Its not what you will eat, its what will you eat? And the answer for that is, its none of your bloody business. And let me tell you one thing, young lady. All you have for me is one stupid crush...which you are mistaking for love. You don't even know what love is.'
'Do you?'
'OH! SHUT UP, BANI!' bellowed Jai and stormed off, followed by Bani, who just walked behind him inaudibly.
Jai stormed off inside his cottage, fuming in anger at what had just happened and not quite believing that of all the people Bani could have the guts to have cross-questioned him in this manner.
It was about half an hour later, when he heard a soft knock on his front door and he shouted irritatedly, 'THERE IS NO ONE HOME. GET LOST.'
Nevertheless the door opened and Bani stepped in, holding a steel bowl with mittens as a warm and earth aroma of cooked rice and lentils floated in the air.
'I told you to get lost. Didn't you hear?' said Jai, glaring icily at Bani.
She simply replied with a warm smile, 'You also said that there was no one home.'
Scowling fiercely at Bani, who gave him a cute smile and placed the bowl on the table and said, 'Now have this kichdi before it turns cold. Its close to 4 now...you must be starving.'
'Don't you think you owe me an apology?' asked Jai in an aceribic tone.
'For what?' came back Bani, looking genuinly bewildered.
Clasping his fists in irritation, Jai snapped back, 'For that scene you created sometime ago!'
Unfazed, Bani answered back, 'you are the one who shouted and yelled and stomped your foot in anger and stormed off like a five year old child. How come I am the one who created a scene?'
Taken aback by her retort, Jai got up from his seat and even as his ears turned red with anger, they both burst out laughing almost at the same time.
'Where on earth did you learn to speak like that, Ms. Dixit?' asked Jai grinning at her.
'Where else? I have been next-door neighbours with a brilliant lawyer for the last one year...some of his genius had to rub-off on me, isn't it, Mr. Walia?'
Jai threw his head back laughing, delighted at the way Bani had bettered him and coming near her, spoke tentatively, 'you were joking about being in love with me ect. ect earlier, right?'
She flushed a bit and lowered her eyelids, but her voice held nothing else than a quiet confidence, 'No, I wasn't.'
Taking a deep breath, Jai started speaking in an exasperated voice, 'Bani...'
She looked up at him and keeping her palm on his lips, smiled at him and said, 'I understand....you don't have to waste your energy trying to explain how wrong all this is and how you have never seen me as anything more than a friend...maybe not even that...because even friendship is between equals, isn't it? I know that...yet...I won't lie to you by saying that I am not in love with you...and its truly nothing but a childish crush. I am not a 13 year old to have a crush and misunderstand it for something else...I might not be as worldly wise as you are...but I think I am quite aware of my own feelings.'
Struck by her confidence, something that he had never seen in her and by the fact that she was so vocal and honest about her feelings, Jai was quite lost for words and when he found his voice, he smiled at her and said, 'Well, if that is so...then I am honored.' and then without thinking added, 'Any man would be lucky to have a girl like you.' Jai instantly regretted the choice of his words, realizing what a hypocrite he sounded like, rejecting her on the one hand and telling her that she would be a prize catch for any man. But he did not have to worry about anything, because Bani did not reply to his statement and simply said, 'have the kichdi...its already turning cold.'
Jai grinned at her, as he sat down and attacked his food with relish, 'I...wow...this will be some day to remember...there have been many women who have propositioned me...but none who proposed to me...'
'I did not propose to you. Proposal means asking someone to marry them, isn't it?' asked Bani, as if she was confirming the answer to a maths riddle.
Jai laughed and in between gulping spoonful of the hot dish, answered back in a casual manner, 'Yes...but confessing your love to someone is also a sort of proposal...I mean, if you love someone...its quite possible that you might also want to marry that person...'
Realizing what he was blabbering, Jai looked up at her and spoke hastily, 'I did not...Good Lord...I don't know what has come over me...I normally never fumble with my words...' and then added with mischief, 'but then its not everyday that girls half my age tell me that they are in love with me!'
Bani laughed and replied back, 'I am not half your age...just 10 years younger.'
'Thank you for reminding. That does make me feel very young indeed.' spoke Jai with saradonic humor.
They both laughed and joked, sharing their last lunch together before Jai was set to depart from Mukteshwar, brushing aside everything Bani had said in the morning. Jai simply did not want to take anything that she had said to him seriously and Bani realized that no matter how serious she was, Jai would never realize or accept the gravity of her words or feelings. She had no misgivings against him for the same...for Bani realized that Jai simply did not feel like that for her...he was being completely honest when he had said to her that he loved her but he was not in love with her. Just as she could not help falling in love with Jai, even he could not help not falling in love with her. There was really no explanation for such things and Bani felt best to leave things as they were.
She had opened her heart to him and he had taken it in good spirits, though at the same time, dismissing her emotions and feelings as that of a child, charming but ultimately meaningless.
"The love that
lasts the longest is the love that is never returned." - William Somerset
Maugham
Part 5 (b)
'Hey...don't you have to go home? Isn't your father bothered about his grown-up daughter forever hanging around with an unattached man?' quipped Jai, teasing Bani, as they both sat down for a game of scrabble with a cup of tea.
'No. Just like you, he too sees me, not as a grown-up woman, but more like a little child, who is yet to grow up. So he doesn't mind my hanging around with you at all.' answered Bani, without looking at Jai, while arranging the scrabble board on the table.
Jai was stumped for an answer and then spoke caustically, 'I hope to god you don't decide to become a lawyer...I sure won't like fighting a case against you.'
Bani looked up at him with a smile and said, 'Actually, I have been seriously thinking about taking up law after I finish my graduation...which college do you think is the best for studying law? Where did you study from?'
Gaping open-mouthed at Bani and struggling for words, Jai finally spluttered out, 'Are you crazy? A month back you weren't even keen on doing your graduation and now you want to become a lawyer?'
Looking back at him with innocent bewilderment, Bani asked, 'Why not? Didn't you only say that I had brains and I was hardworking, but the only thing I lacked was confidence? Why can't I become a lawyer? Am I not clever enough for it?'
Left without much to say, Jai just put up his hands in air and exclaimed, 'I did not say that, Bani...what I meant was why this sudden desire to become a lawyer? And if you are really being serious about it, let me tell you as a friend and as your well-wisher, sweet and nice as you are, frankly, you don't have the aptitude to be a lawyer...and nor the means. Just studying for law isn't everything...one needs all the right connections to start one's own practice! I became a lawyer because my father was a senior advocate at the Supreme Court...and it was easy as a pie for me to get a break...besides I have an IQ of 135 and I was a school topper from kindergarten onwards.'
Bani did not react to his statement, simply saying, 'you play first.'
Jai did not know whether he had hurt Bani by his frankness or was she simply joking with him.
'Hey, I am sorry...I didn't mean to put you down...I just meant that...' Jai did not finish his sentence, instead said, 'What the heck? Why can't you become a lawyer? You have been out-arguing me since morning! And in my opinion, I am the best guy around...so if you can pull one over me, you can very well become a lawyer!'
Bani laughed at his statement and said, 'I was just joking. I have no interest in becoming a lawyer...or for that matter anything else. I just want to get married and have lots of kids and live a quiet and contented life. I know it sounds like nothing to you, but that is all my ambition is.'
Jai smiled at her simplicity and honesty and said, 'You realize most women want to do exactly what you just said, but few have the courage to admit that all they want from life is basic happiness.' Holding Bani's hands, he spoke with sincerity, 'I hope you get that happiness, Bani. I hope you find a man who really values and appreciates you for what you are...' and then added mischievously, 'and gives you your much wanted brood of brats!'
Though embarassed at the mention of having kids, Bani nevertheless laughed and replied back, 'my kids won't be brats, okay?'
'Seeing how much you have spoilt Pia, I don't have much hope for your future kids!' retorted Jai and before Bani could object to his accusation, they both burst out laughing.
They spent the next 30 minutes playing Scrabble and despite Jai's best intention to let Bani win the game, she kept losing hopelessly, messing up on spellings and words.
Bani was in the middle of making up a rather complicated word and had buried her head literally in the board, not noticing that Jai was gazing at her fixtatedly. All of a sudden, he asked in an apparently casual manner, 'you really love kids, don't you, Bani?'
'Huh?' said Bani in an absent voice and then giving up on the word she was trying to make, looked at him and declared with cheerful abandon, 'absolutely. Infact the only reason I want to get married is to have kids.' And saying that she went about trying to rearrange the letters to form the word and instantly yelped out in delight, 'Destiny'!
She looked up at Jai with bright, excited eyes and questioned him, 'That's a good word, is it not? Destiny? Meaning fate, right?'
A slow smile came on lips and he replied softly, 'yes...it is a good word...destiny...god's will...something which no man can alter.'
Struck by his sudden bout of pensiveness, she looked worried and asked him, 'What happened? Are you okay?'
Jai nodded his head quietly and proceeded to play his turn, taking less than 30 seconds to form a word, elicting admiration from Bani as always.
They took a break from Scrabble and when Bani fetched Jai his woolen muffler, since cold was setting in, he asked her in an off-hand manner,
'Say...I will be off in a few hours and we will probably not meet again. Is there anything you want from me?'
Bani gave him a curious look and then spoke jovially, 'you won't be able to afford what I want from you.'
'Is that so?' quipped Jai, giving her a look and making her blush.
She simply nodded her head and served him another cup of tea, taking a seat opposite to him.
'Okay...why don't you test me by asking what you want?' and before Bani could react, instantaneously added, 'Don't start off on your stupid morning rant, okay? You have embrassed me enough as it is! Anything else, and I am game!'
'Stupid morning rant? That is what my feelings count for you?' argued Bani, giving him a belligerent look, making Jai guffaw again at her reaction.
'Lets face it...your confession of love was beyond hilarious, Bani! And even more hilarious was your following argument! For goodness sake! Is that how you expect to win a man's heart? Now forget about all that and tell me what you want from me?' And jokingly added, 'I am granting you three wishes...ask and they are yours!' and saying that he started laughing, looking at her expression of annoyance and irritation.
Bani stared at him for a while and said, 'you are just joking, right? You don't really mean to fulfill three things that I ask of you?'
Jai smiled at her, looking serious and answered back, 'You know Bani...I am not really the fairy god-mother types and I have never really cared for anyone in my life...except myself. I have no qualms in admitting that I am a perfectly selfish, self-centred, self-motivated and self-obsessed man...and I always viewed everyone in the world, being exactly as I was. Till I met you.'
Looking at the blank expression on her face, Jai spoke tenderly, 'you taught me what real kindness was Bani. What caring for someone really meant...without expecting anything in return. What it means to believe the best in everyone...what it meant by being emphatic and not just sympathetic...what it means to be such a nice human being.'
Bani's eyes filled with tears and she spoke in a broken voice, 'No one has ever said such nice things to me.'
Jai smiled, wiping her tears and said, 'Well I am saying that. And because you were so nice to me, I give you my word...ask me any three things and if I can give it to you, I will.' and promptly added with humor, 'with one caveat...no romantic wishes! Please!'
She stood staring at him introspectively, making him uncomfortable, since Jai was still taking everything in a light-hearted manner.
'Okay...if you say so.' Bani spoke finally and taking a moment, looked at him and said, 'Wish number one. As soon as you reach your home back in Delhi, I want you to call up your brother and reconnect with him again.''
Completing ignoring the shocked expression on Jai's face, she went on unheedful, 'Wish number two. Whenever I ask you a question, you must answer me truthfully. No lies...No excuses...No cold silences...a truthful answer to my question.'
Leaving Jai with a dumbstruck expression, she gave him a perky smile and said, 'Wish number three....' and trailed off.
Shaking his head, Jai stared at her and said, 'Hello! I am not calling up my brother, okay?'
'You have not even granted me my three wishes and you are already breaking your promise?' accused Bani.
Jai gave an exasperated sigh and tried to argue, 'What has talking to my brother have to do anything with you? I thought you would ask for something tanglible...you know...a piece of jewellery or a holiday in Switzerland or a Mini Cooper...'
'What is a Mini Cooper?'
'Its a Car...but forget that! Bani, I am not calling him up! And what is the nonsense about asking question? What question? And when are you going to ask me? I am leaving in a couple of hours.'
'Well, if you don't want to give me what I asked you, then lets just forget about it. I don't want anything else from you.' and saying that, she gathered the scrabble board and put it aside, humming a tone under her breathe and irritating the life out of Jai.
Finally giving up, he yelled, 'Okay...Okay...have it your way! Fine, I will call him up! But if he doesn't want to speak with me, that's it then. I won't try again.'
Bani gave him a bright smile in return and said, 'That's great! And what about the second wish I asked for?'
'What does that even mean? What question? Ask me now?'
'No, not now...sometime in the future. But you just give me your word, that when I ask you a question, you will answer me truthfully!'
'Future? After seeing your beyond crazy behaviour, I will make sure that we don't meet in the future!' quipped Jai, laughing at Bani.
Not willing to be turned off by his words, she repeated patiently, 'Just assuming that we meet again and I ask you a question, for which you do have an answer...just promise me that you will tell me the truth!'
Giving up on her, Jai gave a toss of his head and said wearily, 'Whatever. Okay, Granted! I promise you that you will get a truthful answer to your question. But there will be just ONE question. Nothing more.'
'Okay.'
Looking warily at her, Jai said slowly, 'What about your third wish...lord, am I regretting this already or what!'
Bani giggled in response but did not say anything, turning slightly pink in her cheeks, amusing Jai, who asked her, 'So what is the third weird thing that you wish for, Ms. Dixit? Please don't ask me to marry your crazy sister! I have had enough with one, as it is!'
Bani laughed some more on his comment and biting her lips shyly, looked at him and said, 'I...um...its nothing really. Its okay. Two wishes is more than enough' And saying that she gayly skipped across the room, turning to look at Jai and saying, 'Shall we eat our dinner together in the porch today? I will tell Girdhari Kaka to light the Angeethi. What do you want to have? Paneer Shimla Mirch?'
'To hell with Paneer Shimla Mirch. Tell me what is the third thing that you have in mind.'
Blushing, Bani shook her head and said hastily, 'Nothing...really. I...I want to borrow that book you were reading yesterday. That's all.'
'You want to read 'Cases and Materials on Criminal Law'? Really? Stop fibbing, okay! Tell me truthfully what is that you had in mind, else I won't do the other two things you asked of me!' questioned Jai in a warning voice.
Looking flustered and on back-foot, Bani mumbled, 'Nothing...why are you cross-questioning me like that? Practicing for your court cases, already? Nothing, honestly. Okay...I have to leave now...have to start cooking. When should I get the dinner? 9 Pm? And what time are you leaving in the morning? I think Girdhari Kaka mentioned 8 Am, isn't it? I will pack a tiffin box for you...its a long way to Delhi...you need to have something to eat...bye...see you...' and saying that, she rushed off, leaving Jai in a flummoxed state, wondering what on earth did Bani have in mind.
Dinner Time
Pia was staying for the night at one of her friend's place and Ashok had gone out of town to visit an ailing relative. Bani was pretty much used to being on her own at home, since Mukteshwar was such a safe and close-knit place, besides she was happy to be on her own for the night, so that she could spend the entire night in Jai's company without having to give explanations to her father or face her sister's saucy comments on the nature of her friendship with Jai.
When she entered with the big tray in her hand, she saw Jai was sitting by the fireplace, going through some official looking papers, seeming very engrossed in his work. She politely knocked on the door and simply got a nod in response, which kind of made her nervous, wondering if she had crossed the line somewhere, joking and bantering with him.
'Dinner.'
'Hmm...'
There was a strange silence in the room, Jai did not lift his head to look up at Bani, while she stood nervously, biting her lips and clasping her duppata, wondering what to say next.
Jai looked up at her and giving her a smile, said, 'Give me two mintues, will you? I have to take up this case as soon as I am back in action...just updating myself...I have a meeting with the client in two days.'
'So soon? Will you start working as soon as you get back to Delhi?'
'I can't wait any longer, Bani...one whole year of my life wasted...I can't wait to compensate for the lost time...' and saying those words in a casual manner, he took his attention back to the papers he was studying, leaving Bani misty eyed. But she understood that it was the fact of her life...the one year which had been the most eventful in her life was nothing more than an inconvenience in Jai's life.'
By the time, he was done with the papers he was perusing, Bani had laid the dinner table, and was waiting patiently for him to finish his work.
Jai looked at the spread and remarked, 'I thought you were only going to make Shimla Mirch and Paneer...I can see yellow Dal...and Saag...and Chutney...and my favorite Pineapple Raita...Wow...is this something like a last supper for me?'
Bani could not get the joke and nodding her head replied, 'I don't know whether we will meet again or not, so I thought why not give you really nice farewell dinner.'
'Oh, how sweet!' laughed Jai, pulling her cheeks in affection and sitting down to attack his food with delight after ushering in Bani to eat along with him.
'You know Bani, my oncologist...Dr. Reddy...he was telling me that my diet has played an important role in my recovering so fast...I told him that I have the bestest cook as my neighbour and its all thanks to her!'
Bani beamed with pleasure at the compliment and after a moment's thought, asked, 'but who will feed you once you are back in Delhi?'
Gulping down a spoonful of the delicious Dal, he replied, 'Why don't you come along with me? You can do the needful.' And looking at the expression on Bani's face, hastily added, 'It was a JOKE...'
'Yes...I got that one!' replied Bani sulkily, barely touching her food, preferring to nibble on the carrots and cucumbers she had cut up for the Salad, though Jai could see that her eyes were constantly roving around the delicious food.
Jai laughed and teased her again, 'By the way, you haven't told me your third wish...what is it? I have a feeling its something naughty!'
'Nothing! And if you ask me again, I will walk off this moment. You can have your dinner on your own then.' retorted Bani in an annoyed voice and going beetroot red in the face, making Jai laugh so much, that he almost choked on his food.
'Easy...easy...you can make fun of me after you finish your dinner! You still have the entire night left for that!' snapped Bani, plonking a chappati on Jai's plate rather rudely.
Jai did not tease her any further, but could not control his mirth at Bani's endearing behaviour and the way she reacted to him.
2 Hours after Dinner
Bani had cleared the dining table and after washing up all the utensils, deposited them back at her cottage, fetching a flask full of hot coffee for Jai.
'You can go to sleep if you want...its okay...we did spend the whole day together...you don't have to stay awake only to chat with me.' mumbled Bani, placing the flask on the table, that was set up in the porch. Giving her a bewildered look, Jai asked, 'And what will you do if I go to sleep?' Undaunted, she replied back, 'I will just sit here and wait for you to get up in the morning.' Rolling his eyes on her statement, Jai ignored her comment and kept staring at the sky in a mesmerized manner.
There was stillness all around then, as the town went simply dead after 10 Pm, with not even a dog in sight.
The night was clear and bright and Jai was looking at the constellation in the sky, pointing towards one and commenting, 'See...that cluster of stars...its called the Canis Minor Constellation...Canis stands for Dog in latin and if you look carefully, the group of stars will look like a small dog to you.'
Bani looked up at the sky, as Jai pointed out another constellation, 'And that one is Delphinus...because it is shaped like a Dolphin...and the one there...towards the far left is Lupus...meaning Wolf in Latin. Gorgeous, aren't they? The only thing that made this town bearable was the fact that the sky overhead is so clear...the first few months here, I spent all my nights counting the stars...'
'The stars are the only thing that made this town bearable to you?'
Jai looked at Bani and giving her a slow smile, said, 'The stars and you. Happy?'
'You don't have to tell me things to make me happy...tell me when you mean them.'
Jai laughed and said, 'I can see that you have made full plans to fight with me before I leave...so that you can miss me a little less, right?'
Tearing up, Bani turned her face from Jai and mumbled, 'I will miss you everday...morning to noon to evening to night...I will do nothing else but miss you.'
'Excellent. Anything else?' came back Jai sarcastically.
'No.'
They both sat in sullen silence for sometime, before Bani took out the flask and poured Coffee for Jai, placing it on the coaster in front of him, without a single word.
'Hey, you took three wishes from me...no two actually...what about my turn? Won't I get anything in return?'
Bani blinked her eye and said, 'What can I give you?'
'Ask me first and I will tell you what you can give me?'
Giving a moment's thought, she asked him cautiously, 'Okay...ask me.'
'Three wishes?'
'Two.'
'Three! You are the only who did not ask for your third wish...how is that my fault?'
Shrugging her head, Bani spoke in resigned voice, 'Okay, three. Ask me? But I haven't got my salary yet, okay...so I am not sure if I will be able to buy anything that you wish me to get for you!'
Jai smiled at the innocence of her statement and said, 'That's alright...my wishes are just like yours...they can't be brought with money...but they still come expensive.'
Lifting her large eyes at him, she said tentatively, 'what do you want?'
'Wish number one...promise me to complete your graduation, come what may. No excuses, no roadblocks, no pretexts...whatever the circumstances are, you will complete your education. Okay?'
Looking cornered, Bani mumbled, 'But what if...'
'No. No buts and ifs...its either a yes or a no. Either you fulfill my wish you or don't. Nothing in between.'
Looking trapped, she finally shook her head in abdication and stuttered, 'Okay. I promise to finish my graduation.'
'Good...Second wish...you will not whine and waste your life and time pining over me or for that matter over any one. You will keep your heart open to love and friendship...always.'
Bani looked at him without saying anything, prompting Jai to remark, 'Yes or No?'
'What do you mean by always? You mean even after I get married, I should keep looking out for my Mr. Right?'
Jai stared at her and spluttered with laughter, shaking his head and saying, 'No...No...silly girl! I am not encouraging you to commit adultery...Gosh! What I am saying is that you will not wither away like a wilted flower...wishing for something and someone that was simply not meant to be...if something good happens...you will accept it with happiness.'
Bani shook her head and spoke sedately, 'Yes. I will not wither away like a wilted flower...and I will keep my heart open to love and friendship...and if something good happens, I will accept it with happiness.'
'Good girl. That is all.'
'What about the third wish?'
'Forget that...'
'Why?'
'You ask for your third wish and then I will ask for mine.'
Flushing a bit, Bani replied, 'There is nothing I want to ask...'
'Same here then.' quipped Jai and sipped his coffee, again taking his gaze upwards at the starlit sky.
They both sat in silence, till Jai announced, 'Bani...its close to midnight now. See, I will go away tomorrow and its most unlikely that I will step in this town again...but I don't want your neighbours painting you as a scarlet woman, once they realize that you spent the entire night with me.'
Bani could not understand the meaning of his phrase and said, 'So what? We are just talking...'
'Yes...my darling. We are just talking...but as it happens, the world doesn't function like your simplistic mind...a young girl spending an entire night with a man has many nasty connotations. And since I am no longer the crippled invalid that I was a year back, I am sure your Dulari Chachi will assume the very worst, if she sees you lounging about in my place in the morning.'
'Just tell me that you want me to leave you alone. Why do you have to complicate everything with your difficult english words and phrases?' sulked Bani, making Jai sigh in vexation at the stubborness she sometimes displayed.
'Think whatever you wish to. But go now...and I want to catch up on my sleep...its a bloody 8 hours journey by an Indian road from here to Delhi...'
'You had said that you wanted to spend the entire night with me...'
'Yes, I had. And now I take it back. Listen, who is the lawyer here? You or me?'
Getting up, she picked the empty flask and said, 'Okay...I will go then...I will get your breakfast and tiffin for the journey tomorrow...okay?'
Jai just nodded his head but did not reply.
3 Hours Later
It was bitingly cold, but Jai did not mind it at all...it felt refreshing and invigorating...besides, he wasn't feeling sleepy at all. He checked his wrist watch...it was 3:30 in the morning. Jai had spent the last three hours after Bani had left in his own thoughts...getting up from the lounge chair he went inside the cottage and switched on the lights, taking out a notepad and sat down to write a note.
After which he walked out of his cottage and across the lawns, pushing open the wooden door that connected Bani's cottage with his. He pushed open the front door and wasn't at all surprised when he realized that Bani had not locked it from inside, despite being all alone in the house. Shaking his head at the strange ways of this small town people, Jai tiptoed in, throwing a cautious glance outside, checking to see that no one was looking. Which in itself was a funny thought...since it was so still and dark, that not even a dog was in sight.
He walked inside the house, trying not to bump into the furniture in the dark and hesitated just for a moment before opening the door of Bani's room. He had never visited Bani's house before, but somehow he guessed the location of her room, based on the wall-hanging that was outside the door...the one he had gifted to her on his last visit to Delhi. Sure enough, he could see her sleeping peacefully on her bed, curled by like a baby, her duvet spread carelessly around her. Jai felt a twinge of apprehension...he realized what an alarming thing he was doing, landing in a young girl's room at an unearthly hour, when there was no one in the house. Not wasting any more time, he placed the envelope besides her pillow and quietly went on his knees, staring at her face in the darkness.
How innocent she looked while sleeping...just as she looked when she was awake. He could not help but smile at the thought of all that she had said to him in the morning...he was not new to girls having crush on him. Jai had been the most popular boy at school...brilliant in academics and a born athelete, his locker used to be chock-a-block with love notes and flowers, much to his amusement and the envy of his peers. Even during law school, he had managed to snare the attention of the prettiest and brainest girls on campus with the utmost ease. Most of the young trainee lawyers in his firm jostled for his attention and all but fainted with excitement, did he even give them a casual smile. His female colleagues, married and single, were not immune to his charm either...Jai's dashing good looks, his winning personality and his professional success ensured that he was always immensely attractive to the opposite s**.
But what had happened with Bani was different. She had chosen to give her heart to him when he was at his very worst...recovering from a serious illness, with the physical appearance of a pale ghost, with his career at a standstill and with a temperament that would have driven anyone crazy, as it did, with the exception of Bani. So alright, she wasn't a prize beauty or a sophisticated socialite or had brains like some of the woman he had dated in the past...yet at that moment, she was better than him...and yet she chose him. Somehow, Bani's confession of love, outrageous and hilarious as it was, still raised Jai's self-esteem...she had made him felt wanted...and not just desired...she had made him feel cared for as a human being and not just aspired for as the choicest boyfriend material...she had fallen in love with the very worst of him and wasn't just attracted to his outer-trappings of glamour, success and power, which had attracted the other women in his life till now.
It was not her loss that Jai hadn't accepted her love, it was his personal tragedy that he could not do so.
And much as he wanted to tell her the reason, he knew it was best to let things be as they were. It would bring nothing but more heartbreak to her and the last thing Jai wanted was to hurt the girl, whom he had ended up falling in love with.
Hoping that his action won't startle and wake her up and trying to think of an explanation of his appearance in her room at this time, Jai leaned forward and placed a featherlight kiss on Bani's lips, pressing them tenderly and moving back, as soon as she gave a spasm in her sleep. But to his relief, she did not wake up...obviously exhausted from spending the entire day with him, not to mention cooking two meals for him.
7 Am
Bani rubbed her eyes and blinked them, as the weak rays of sun filtered through the glass windows of her room. She kept lying for sometime, wondering how come the sun was out so early and then with a sense of shock, looked at the small bedside clock...which showed that it was 7 in the morning. Leaping out of the bed with a yelp, she looked here and there in dismay, wondering where to start from. Jai was set to leave in an hour and she hand't even made his morning cup of tea, leave aside preparing his breakfast and tiffin.
Rushing inside the tiny bathroorm, she brushed her teeth with electric speed and splashed icy cold water all over her face, not bothering to turn on the geyser, because she was already running so late. Not being used to enter the kitchen without taking a bath, she wondered frantically on what she was supposed to do and decided to hop over to Jai's cottage and tell him...more like beg him to delay his journey by an hour, so that she could prepare his meals.
Bani had just wrapped herself with her stole and had put on her slippers to run outside towards Jai's cottage, when she saw the envelope lying on the side of her bed. Taken aback, she picked it up, wondering what on earth could it be...and most importantly where had it come from. She remembered distinctly that there was nothing on her bed when she had retired for the night.
Thrusting it open, she immediately recognized Jai's long, spidery hand-writing, written in a style that was typical to left-handers.
My dearest girl-next-door,
I hope that by the time you get this letter, you haven't started cooking already. But then, knowing what a certified nut-case you are, anything is possible.
As you are reading this letter, I am already on my way to Delhi...now...now...don't break down into tears...you knew that I had to leave...I just chose an earlier time for my departure. I thought it was best that way. I did not want to give you another chance to make a scene while I was leaving. As it is, I suspect that your neighbours don't view our platonic friendship as being what it really is. I know for sure, that mental sister of your's doesn't. You are not the only person to whom she passed snide remarks about the nature of our relationship...I was at her receiving end too.
Well...what can I say? The last one year in your beloved Mukteshwar has been hell to me...and I won't lie to you when I say that I can't wait to be back in my world. But you know Bani...I am glad I came to this hell. Because if I hadn't...I wouldn't have found a friend for life...no...not Dulari Chachi...I am talking about you.
I had hoped to tell you so much yesterday...all that you mean to me...all that you did for me...all that you did to me...but ofcourse, you put a dampner on all that by bleating out like a goat, 'I LOVE YOU!' Love me, indeed! Hit puberty first and then talk about falling in love with a man like me!
You are such a child...a complete baby! Why just me, no man can take you seriously, if you remain like this! Grow up, seriously! And for pete's sake, stop being a door-mat to Pia and to everyone else. If you don't respect yourself, how on earth do you expect others to respect you?
I hope you remember your two promises to me, just as I remember yours. Though I can bet that your second wish is going to get wasted...I can't imagine when we will meet again and if we do, what question can you possibly ask me for which I will have to give you a truthful answer? I think you are just dumb...you should have asked me for my collector's edition of cartier watch...that would have atleast sponsored your wedding dowry if nothing else.
Which gets me to the point that, I expect to be duly remembered and sent an invitation whenever you get married...and don't expect the same from me, cause I have no wish to be tethered to a woman for life...what if she turns out to be like you? I will be stuck eating kichdi for the rest of my celibate life...no way! Ha! Ha! Just pulling your fat legs...which gets me to another point...for goodness sake, start running everday...walking won't help. And make sure you stretch before your exercises...and also nibbling on cucumbers and carrots for dinner is not the answer...eating a balanced diet is.
Also, please remember that a woman is only as beautiful as she feels herself to be. And IMO, you are very beautiful, Bani. But ofcourse, you do everything possible to appear like a frump by wearing clothes that are twice your actual size and by putting enough grease in your hair to sponsor a small African Nation's fuel woes. Start feeling like a woman first...you will automatically start looking like one. Just because you are struck in this one-horse town doesn't mean, you have to limit your imagination and clip your wings.
I have paid your college fees for the remaining terms...and it is not a financial favour...it is just meant to ensure that you don't give up midway and continue and complete your graduation, in respect to my hard-earned money if nothing else. And you can become a lawyer if you wish to. You can become anything that you wish to. Though in my opinion, you are best suited for the role of a hen-pecked housewife, being harassed by a dozen bratty kids (I can bet your kids will be brats!)
Jokes apart, take care of yourself...and be happy...and do well in life...and stay healthy...and...well, I hope the diety in whom I have no belief showers his blessings on you always. You are a dork...but an adorable one at that!
I love you, Bani. Not in the way you wished for, but nevertheless, its still love of a kind. Don't take my repudiating your feelings as a rejection...take it as your good luck and as an opportunity to find someone much better than me for yourself.
I doubt I will be in touch with you...mostly because I want to spend every waking moment trying to get my career back on track and also because I think some relationships are best left the way they are...nameless and timeless.
Move on with your life and may success and happiness be yours.
Love,
Jai
PS: If you are wondering how the letter got to your bedside...don't get creeped out...but I actually came to your room around 3 in the morning. Which reminds me: ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY TO SLEEP WITH THE DOORS UNLOCKED?
PPS: Though you never asked for it, I still went ahead and fulfilled your third wish...which incidentally was my third wish too :)
PPPS: You have really soft lips! What balm do you use? Vaseline? Well, since its unlikely that we'll meet again, I will never know the answer to this one, will I?
Bani dissolved into spurts of giggles even as an explosion of tears ran down her eyes, as she clutched on to Jai's letter, kissing it feverishly and reading and re-reading it, with laughter and tears, together.
Part 5 (b)
'Hey...don't you have to go home? Isn't your father bothered about his grown-up daughter forever hanging around with an unattached man?' quipped Jai, teasing Bani, as they both sat down for a game of scrabble with a cup of tea.
'No. Just like you, he too sees me, not as a grown-up woman, but more like a little child, who is yet to grow up. So he doesn't mind my hanging around with you at all.' answered Bani, without looking at Jai, while arranging the scrabble board on the table.
Jai was stumped for an answer and then spoke caustically, 'I hope to god you don't decide to become a lawyer...I sure won't like fighting a case against you.'
Bani looked up at him with a smile and said, 'Actually, I have been seriously thinking about taking up law after I finish my graduation...which college do you think is the best for studying law? Where did you study from?'
Gaping open-mouthed at Bani and struggling for words, Jai finally spluttered out, 'Are you crazy? A month back you weren't even keen on doing your graduation and now you want to become a lawyer?'
Looking back at him with innocent bewilderment, Bani asked, 'Why not? Didn't you only say that I had brains and I was hardworking, but the only thing I lacked was confidence? Why can't I become a lawyer? Am I not clever enough for it?'
Left without much to say, Jai just put up his hands in air and exclaimed, 'I did not say that, Bani...what I meant was why this sudden desire to become a lawyer? And if you are really being serious about it, let me tell you as a friend and as your well-wisher, sweet and nice as you are, frankly, you don't have the aptitude to be a lawyer...and nor the means. Just studying for law isn't everything...one needs all the right connections to start one's own practice! I became a lawyer because my father was a senior advocate at the Supreme Court...and it was easy as a pie for me to get a break...besides I have an IQ of 135 and I was a school topper from kindergarten onwards.'
Bani did not react to his statement, simply saying, 'you play first.'
Jai did not know whether he had hurt Bani by his frankness or was she simply joking with him.
'Hey, I am sorry...I didn't mean to put you down...I just meant that...' Jai did not finish his sentence, instead said, 'What the heck? Why can't you become a lawyer? You have been out-arguing me since morning! And in my opinion, I am the best guy around...so if you can pull one over me, you can very well become a lawyer!'
Bani laughed at his statement and said, 'I was just joking. I have no interest in becoming a lawyer...or for that matter anything else. I just want to get married and have lots of kids and live a quiet and contented life. I know it sounds like nothing to you, but that is all my ambition is.'
Jai smiled at her simplicity and honesty and said, 'You realize most women want to do exactly what you just said, but few have the courage to admit that all they want from life is basic happiness.' Holding Bani's hands, he spoke with sincerity, 'I hope you get that happiness, Bani. I hope you find a man who really values and appreciates you for what you are...' and then added mischievously, 'and gives you your much wanted brood of brats!'
Though embarassed at the mention of having kids, Bani nevertheless laughed and replied back, 'my kids won't be brats, okay?'
'Seeing how much you have spoilt Pia, I don't have much hope for your future kids!' retorted Jai and before Bani could object to his accusation, they both burst out laughing.
They spent the next 30 minutes playing Scrabble and despite Jai's best intention to let Bani win the game, she kept losing hopelessly, messing up on spellings and words.
Bani was in the middle of making up a rather complicated word and had buried her head literally in the board, not noticing that Jai was gazing at her fixtatedly. All of a sudden, he asked in an apparently casual manner, 'you really love kids, don't you, Bani?'
'Huh?' said Bani in an absent voice and then giving up on the word she was trying to make, looked at him and declared with cheerful abandon, 'absolutely. Infact the only reason I want to get married is to have kids.' And saying that she went about trying to rearrange the letters to form the word and instantly yelped out in delight, 'Destiny'!
She looked up at Jai with bright, excited eyes and questioned him, 'That's a good word, is it not? Destiny? Meaning fate, right?'
A slow smile came on lips and he replied softly, 'yes...it is a good word...destiny...god's will...something which no man can alter.'
Struck by his sudden bout of pensiveness, she looked worried and asked him, 'What happened? Are you okay?'
Jai nodded his head quietly and proceeded to play his turn, taking less than 30 seconds to form a word, elicting admiration from Bani as always.
They took a break from Scrabble and when Bani fetched Jai his woolen muffler, since cold was setting in, he asked her in an off-hand manner,
'Say...I will be off in a few hours and we will probably not meet again. Is there anything you want from me?'
Bani gave him a curious look and then spoke jovially, 'you won't be able to afford what I want from you.'
'Is that so?' quipped Jai, giving her a look and making her blush.
She simply nodded her head and served him another cup of tea, taking a seat opposite to him.
'Okay...why don't you test me by asking what you want?' and before Bani could react, instantaneously added, 'Don't start off on your stupid morning rant, okay? You have embrassed me enough as it is! Anything else, and I am game!'
'Stupid morning rant? That is what my feelings count for you?' argued Bani, giving him a belligerent look, making Jai guffaw again at her reaction.
'Lets face it...your confession of love was beyond hilarious, Bani! And even more hilarious was your following argument! For goodness sake! Is that how you expect to win a man's heart? Now forget about all that and tell me what you want from me?' And jokingly added, 'I am granting you three wishes...ask and they are yours!' and saying that he started laughing, looking at her expression of annoyance and irritation.
Bani stared at him for a while and said, 'you are just joking, right? You don't really mean to fulfill three things that I ask of you?'
Jai smiled at her, looking serious and answered back, 'You know Bani...I am not really the fairy god-mother types and I have never really cared for anyone in my life...except myself. I have no qualms in admitting that I am a perfectly selfish, self-centred, self-motivated and self-obsessed man...and I always viewed everyone in the world, being exactly as I was. Till I met you.'
Looking at the blank expression on her face, Jai spoke tenderly, 'you taught me what real kindness was Bani. What caring for someone really meant...without expecting anything in return. What it means to believe the best in everyone...what it meant by being emphatic and not just sympathetic...what it means to be such a nice human being.'
Bani's eyes filled with tears and she spoke in a broken voice, 'No one has ever said such nice things to me.'
Jai smiled, wiping her tears and said, 'Well I am saying that. And because you were so nice to me, I give you my word...ask me any three things and if I can give it to you, I will.' and promptly added with humor, 'with one caveat...no romantic wishes! Please!'
She stood staring at him introspectively, making him uncomfortable, since Jai was still taking everything in a light-hearted manner.
'Okay...if you say so.' Bani spoke finally and taking a moment, looked at him and said, 'Wish number one. As soon as you reach your home back in Delhi, I want you to call up your brother and reconnect with him again.''
Completing ignoring the shocked expression on Jai's face, she went on unheedful, 'Wish number two. Whenever I ask you a question, you must answer me truthfully. No lies...No excuses...No cold silences...a truthful answer to my question.'
Leaving Jai with a dumbstruck expression, she gave him a perky smile and said, 'Wish number three....' and trailed off.
Shaking his head, Jai stared at her and said, 'Hello! I am not calling up my brother, okay?'
'You have not even granted me my three wishes and you are already breaking your promise?' accused Bani.
Jai gave an exasperated sigh and tried to argue, 'What has talking to my brother have to do anything with you? I thought you would ask for something tanglible...you know...a piece of jewellery or a holiday in Switzerland or a Mini Cooper...'
'What is a Mini Cooper?'
'Its a Car...but forget that! Bani, I am not calling him up! And what is the nonsense about asking question? What question? And when are you going to ask me? I am leaving in a couple of hours.'
'Well, if you don't want to give me what I asked you, then lets just forget about it. I don't want anything else from you.' and saying that, she gathered the scrabble board and put it aside, humming a tone under her breathe and irritating the life out of Jai.
Finally giving up, he yelled, 'Okay...Okay...have it your way! Fine, I will call him up! But if he doesn't want to speak with me, that's it then. I won't try again.'
Bani gave him a bright smile in return and said, 'That's great! And what about the second wish I asked for?'
'What does that even mean? What question? Ask me now?'
'No, not now...sometime in the future. But you just give me your word, that when I ask you a question, you will answer me truthfully!'
'Future? After seeing your beyond crazy behaviour, I will make sure that we don't meet in the future!' quipped Jai, laughing at Bani.
Not willing to be turned off by his words, she repeated patiently, 'Just assuming that we meet again and I ask you a question, for which you do have an answer...just promise me that you will tell me the truth!'
Giving up on her, Jai gave a toss of his head and said wearily, 'Whatever. Okay, Granted! I promise you that you will get a truthful answer to your question. But there will be just ONE question. Nothing more.'
'Okay.'
Looking warily at her, Jai said slowly, 'What about your third wish...lord, am I regretting this already or what!'
Bani giggled in response but did not say anything, turning slightly pink in her cheeks, amusing Jai, who asked her, 'So what is the third weird thing that you wish for, Ms. Dixit? Please don't ask me to marry your crazy sister! I have had enough with one, as it is!'
Bani laughed some more on his comment and biting her lips shyly, looked at him and said, 'I...um...its nothing really. Its okay. Two wishes is more than enough' And saying that she gayly skipped across the room, turning to look at Jai and saying, 'Shall we eat our dinner together in the porch today? I will tell Girdhari Kaka to light the Angeethi. What do you want to have? Paneer Shimla Mirch?'
'To hell with Paneer Shimla Mirch. Tell me what is the third thing that you have in mind.'
Blushing, Bani shook her head and said hastily, 'Nothing...really. I...I want to borrow that book you were reading yesterday. That's all.'
'You want to read 'Cases and Materials on Criminal Law'? Really? Stop fibbing, okay! Tell me truthfully what is that you had in mind, else I won't do the other two things you asked of me!' questioned Jai in a warning voice.
Looking flustered and on back-foot, Bani mumbled, 'Nothing...why are you cross-questioning me like that? Practicing for your court cases, already? Nothing, honestly. Okay...I have to leave now...have to start cooking. When should I get the dinner? 9 Pm? And what time are you leaving in the morning? I think Girdhari Kaka mentioned 8 Am, isn't it? I will pack a tiffin box for you...its a long way to Delhi...you need to have something to eat...bye...see you...' and saying that, she rushed off, leaving Jai in a flummoxed state, wondering what on earth did Bani have in mind.
Dinner Time
Pia was staying for the night at one of her friend's place and Ashok had gone out of town to visit an ailing relative. Bani was pretty much used to being on her own at home, since Mukteshwar was such a safe and close-knit place, besides she was happy to be on her own for the night, so that she could spend the entire night in Jai's company without having to give explanations to her father or face her sister's saucy comments on the nature of her friendship with Jai.
When she entered with the big tray in her hand, she saw Jai was sitting by the fireplace, going through some official looking papers, seeming very engrossed in his work. She politely knocked on the door and simply got a nod in response, which kind of made her nervous, wondering if she had crossed the line somewhere, joking and bantering with him.
'Dinner.'
'Hmm...'
There was a strange silence in the room, Jai did not lift his head to look up at Bani, while she stood nervously, biting her lips and clasping her duppata, wondering what to say next.
Jai looked up at her and giving her a smile, said, 'Give me two mintues, will you? I have to take up this case as soon as I am back in action...just updating myself...I have a meeting with the client in two days.'
'So soon? Will you start working as soon as you get back to Delhi?'
'I can't wait any longer, Bani...one whole year of my life wasted...I can't wait to compensate for the lost time...' and saying those words in a casual manner, he took his attention back to the papers he was studying, leaving Bani misty eyed. But she understood that it was the fact of her life...the one year which had been the most eventful in her life was nothing more than an inconvenience in Jai's life.'
By the time, he was done with the papers he was perusing, Bani had laid the dinner table, and was waiting patiently for him to finish his work.
Jai looked at the spread and remarked, 'I thought you were only going to make Shimla Mirch and Paneer...I can see yellow Dal...and Saag...and Chutney...and my favorite Pineapple Raita...Wow...is this something like a last supper for me?'
Bani could not get the joke and nodding her head replied, 'I don't know whether we will meet again or not, so I thought why not give you really nice farewell dinner.'
'Oh, how sweet!' laughed Jai, pulling her cheeks in affection and sitting down to attack his food with delight after ushering in Bani to eat along with him.
'You know Bani, my oncologist...Dr. Reddy...he was telling me that my diet has played an important role in my recovering so fast...I told him that I have the bestest cook as my neighbour and its all thanks to her!'
Bani beamed with pleasure at the compliment and after a moment's thought, asked, 'but who will feed you once you are back in Delhi?'
Gulping down a spoonful of the delicious Dal, he replied, 'Why don't you come along with me? You can do the needful.' And looking at the expression on Bani's face, hastily added, 'It was a JOKE...'
'Yes...I got that one!' replied Bani sulkily, barely touching her food, preferring to nibble on the carrots and cucumbers she had cut up for the Salad, though Jai could see that her eyes were constantly roving around the delicious food.
Jai laughed and teased her again, 'By the way, you haven't told me your third wish...what is it? I have a feeling its something naughty!'
'Nothing! And if you ask me again, I will walk off this moment. You can have your dinner on your own then.' retorted Bani in an annoyed voice and going beetroot red in the face, making Jai laugh so much, that he almost choked on his food.
'Easy...easy...you can make fun of me after you finish your dinner! You still have the entire night left for that!' snapped Bani, plonking a chappati on Jai's plate rather rudely.
Jai did not tease her any further, but could not control his mirth at Bani's endearing behaviour and the way she reacted to him.
2 Hours after Dinner
Bani had cleared the dining table and after washing up all the utensils, deposited them back at her cottage, fetching a flask full of hot coffee for Jai.
'You can go to sleep if you want...its okay...we did spend the whole day together...you don't have to stay awake only to chat with me.' mumbled Bani, placing the flask on the table, that was set up in the porch. Giving her a bewildered look, Jai asked, 'And what will you do if I go to sleep?' Undaunted, she replied back, 'I will just sit here and wait for you to get up in the morning.' Rolling his eyes on her statement, Jai ignored her comment and kept staring at the sky in a mesmerized manner.
There was stillness all around then, as the town went simply dead after 10 Pm, with not even a dog in sight.
The night was clear and bright and Jai was looking at the constellation in the sky, pointing towards one and commenting, 'See...that cluster of stars...its called the Canis Minor Constellation...Canis stands for Dog in latin and if you look carefully, the group of stars will look like a small dog to you.'
Bani looked up at the sky, as Jai pointed out another constellation, 'And that one is Delphinus...because it is shaped like a Dolphin...and the one there...towards the far left is Lupus...meaning Wolf in Latin. Gorgeous, aren't they? The only thing that made this town bearable was the fact that the sky overhead is so clear...the first few months here, I spent all my nights counting the stars...'
'The stars are the only thing that made this town bearable to you?'
Jai looked at Bani and giving her a slow smile, said, 'The stars and you. Happy?'
'You don't have to tell me things to make me happy...tell me when you mean them.'
Jai laughed and said, 'I can see that you have made full plans to fight with me before I leave...so that you can miss me a little less, right?'
Tearing up, Bani turned her face from Jai and mumbled, 'I will miss you everday...morning to noon to evening to night...I will do nothing else but miss you.'
'Excellent. Anything else?' came back Jai sarcastically.
'No.'
They both sat in sullen silence for sometime, before Bani took out the flask and poured Coffee for Jai, placing it on the coaster in front of him, without a single word.
'Hey, you took three wishes from me...no two actually...what about my turn? Won't I get anything in return?'
Bani blinked her eye and said, 'What can I give you?'
'Ask me first and I will tell you what you can give me?'
Giving a moment's thought, she asked him cautiously, 'Okay...ask me.'
'Three wishes?'
'Two.'
'Three! You are the only who did not ask for your third wish...how is that my fault?'
Shrugging her head, Bani spoke in resigned voice, 'Okay, three. Ask me? But I haven't got my salary yet, okay...so I am not sure if I will be able to buy anything that you wish me to get for you!'
Jai smiled at the innocence of her statement and said, 'That's alright...my wishes are just like yours...they can't be brought with money...but they still come expensive.'
Lifting her large eyes at him, she said tentatively, 'what do you want?'
'Wish number one...promise me to complete your graduation, come what may. No excuses, no roadblocks, no pretexts...whatever the circumstances are, you will complete your education. Okay?'
Looking cornered, Bani mumbled, 'But what if...'
'No. No buts and ifs...its either a yes or a no. Either you fulfill my wish you or don't. Nothing in between.'
Looking trapped, she finally shook her head in abdication and stuttered, 'Okay. I promise to finish my graduation.'
'Good...Second wish...you will not whine and waste your life and time pining over me or for that matter over any one. You will keep your heart open to love and friendship...always.'
Bani looked at him without saying anything, prompting Jai to remark, 'Yes or No?'
'What do you mean by always? You mean even after I get married, I should keep looking out for my Mr. Right?'
Jai stared at her and spluttered with laughter, shaking his head and saying, 'No...No...silly girl! I am not encouraging you to commit adultery...Gosh! What I am saying is that you will not wither away like a wilted flower...wishing for something and someone that was simply not meant to be...if something good happens...you will accept it with happiness.'
Bani shook her head and spoke sedately, 'Yes. I will not wither away like a wilted flower...and I will keep my heart open to love and friendship...and if something good happens, I will accept it with happiness.'
'Good girl. That is all.'
'What about the third wish?'
'Forget that...'
'Why?'
'You ask for your third wish and then I will ask for mine.'
Flushing a bit, Bani replied, 'There is nothing I want to ask...'
'Same here then.' quipped Jai and sipped his coffee, again taking his gaze upwards at the starlit sky.
They both sat in silence, till Jai announced, 'Bani...its close to midnight now. See, I will go away tomorrow and its most unlikely that I will step in this town again...but I don't want your neighbours painting you as a scarlet woman, once they realize that you spent the entire night with me.'
Bani could not understand the meaning of his phrase and said, 'So what? We are just talking...'
'Yes...my darling. We are just talking...but as it happens, the world doesn't function like your simplistic mind...a young girl spending an entire night with a man has many nasty connotations. And since I am no longer the crippled invalid that I was a year back, I am sure your Dulari Chachi will assume the very worst, if she sees you lounging about in my place in the morning.'
'Just tell me that you want me to leave you alone. Why do you have to complicate everything with your difficult english words and phrases?' sulked Bani, making Jai sigh in vexation at the stubborness she sometimes displayed.
'Think whatever you wish to. But go now...and I want to catch up on my sleep...its a bloody 8 hours journey by an Indian road from here to Delhi...'
'You had said that you wanted to spend the entire night with me...'
'Yes, I had. And now I take it back. Listen, who is the lawyer here? You or me?'
Getting up, she picked the empty flask and said, 'Okay...I will go then...I will get your breakfast and tiffin for the journey tomorrow...okay?'
Jai just nodded his head but did not reply.
3 Hours Later
It was bitingly cold, but Jai did not mind it at all...it felt refreshing and invigorating...besides, he wasn't feeling sleepy at all. He checked his wrist watch...it was 3:30 in the morning. Jai had spent the last three hours after Bani had left in his own thoughts...getting up from the lounge chair he went inside the cottage and switched on the lights, taking out a notepad and sat down to write a note.
After which he walked out of his cottage and across the lawns, pushing open the wooden door that connected Bani's cottage with his. He pushed open the front door and wasn't at all surprised when he realized that Bani had not locked it from inside, despite being all alone in the house. Shaking his head at the strange ways of this small town people, Jai tiptoed in, throwing a cautious glance outside, checking to see that no one was looking. Which in itself was a funny thought...since it was so still and dark, that not even a dog was in sight.
He walked inside the house, trying not to bump into the furniture in the dark and hesitated just for a moment before opening the door of Bani's room. He had never visited Bani's house before, but somehow he guessed the location of her room, based on the wall-hanging that was outside the door...the one he had gifted to her on his last visit to Delhi. Sure enough, he could see her sleeping peacefully on her bed, curled by like a baby, her duvet spread carelessly around her. Jai felt a twinge of apprehension...he realized what an alarming thing he was doing, landing in a young girl's room at an unearthly hour, when there was no one in the house. Not wasting any more time, he placed the envelope besides her pillow and quietly went on his knees, staring at her face in the darkness.
How innocent she looked while sleeping...just as she looked when she was awake. He could not help but smile at the thought of all that she had said to him in the morning...he was not new to girls having crush on him. Jai had been the most popular boy at school...brilliant in academics and a born athelete, his locker used to be chock-a-block with love notes and flowers, much to his amusement and the envy of his peers. Even during law school, he had managed to snare the attention of the prettiest and brainest girls on campus with the utmost ease. Most of the young trainee lawyers in his firm jostled for his attention and all but fainted with excitement, did he even give them a casual smile. His female colleagues, married and single, were not immune to his charm either...Jai's dashing good looks, his winning personality and his professional success ensured that he was always immensely attractive to the opposite s**.
But what had happened with Bani was different. She had chosen to give her heart to him when he was at his very worst...recovering from a serious illness, with the physical appearance of a pale ghost, with his career at a standstill and with a temperament that would have driven anyone crazy, as it did, with the exception of Bani. So alright, she wasn't a prize beauty or a sophisticated socialite or had brains like some of the woman he had dated in the past...yet at that moment, she was better than him...and yet she chose him. Somehow, Bani's confession of love, outrageous and hilarious as it was, still raised Jai's self-esteem...she had made him felt wanted...and not just desired...she had made him feel cared for as a human being and not just aspired for as the choicest boyfriend material...she had fallen in love with the very worst of him and wasn't just attracted to his outer-trappings of glamour, success and power, which had attracted the other women in his life till now.
It was not her loss that Jai hadn't accepted her love, it was his personal tragedy that he could not do so.
And much as he wanted to tell her the reason, he knew it was best to let things be as they were. It would bring nothing but more heartbreak to her and the last thing Jai wanted was to hurt the girl, whom he had ended up falling in love with.
Hoping that his action won't startle and wake her up and trying to think of an explanation of his appearance in her room at this time, Jai leaned forward and placed a featherlight kiss on Bani's lips, pressing them tenderly and moving back, as soon as she gave a spasm in her sleep. But to his relief, she did not wake up...obviously exhausted from spending the entire day with him, not to mention cooking two meals for him.
7 Am
Bani rubbed her eyes and blinked them, as the weak rays of sun filtered through the glass windows of her room. She kept lying for sometime, wondering how come the sun was out so early and then with a sense of shock, looked at the small bedside clock...which showed that it was 7 in the morning. Leaping out of the bed with a yelp, she looked here and there in dismay, wondering where to start from. Jai was set to leave in an hour and she hand't even made his morning cup of tea, leave aside preparing his breakfast and tiffin.
Rushing inside the tiny bathroorm, she brushed her teeth with electric speed and splashed icy cold water all over her face, not bothering to turn on the geyser, because she was already running so late. Not being used to enter the kitchen without taking a bath, she wondered frantically on what she was supposed to do and decided to hop over to Jai's cottage and tell him...more like beg him to delay his journey by an hour, so that she could prepare his meals.
Bani had just wrapped herself with her stole and had put on her slippers to run outside towards Jai's cottage, when she saw the envelope lying on the side of her bed. Taken aback, she picked it up, wondering what on earth could it be...and most importantly where had it come from. She remembered distinctly that there was nothing on her bed when she had retired for the night.
Thrusting it open, she immediately recognized Jai's long, spidery hand-writing, written in a style that was typical to left-handers.
My dearest girl-next-door,
I hope that by the time you get this letter, you haven't started cooking already. But then, knowing what a certified nut-case you are, anything is possible.
As you are reading this letter, I am already on my way to Delhi...now...now...don't break down into tears...you knew that I had to leave...I just chose an earlier time for my departure. I thought it was best that way. I did not want to give you another chance to make a scene while I was leaving. As it is, I suspect that your neighbours don't view our platonic friendship as being what it really is. I know for sure, that mental sister of your's doesn't. You are not the only person to whom she passed snide remarks about the nature of our relationship...I was at her receiving end too.
Well...what can I say? The last one year in your beloved Mukteshwar has been hell to me...and I won't lie to you when I say that I can't wait to be back in my world. But you know Bani...I am glad I came to this hell. Because if I hadn't...I wouldn't have found a friend for life...no...not Dulari Chachi...I am talking about you.
I had hoped to tell you so much yesterday...all that you mean to me...all that you did for me...all that you did to me...but ofcourse, you put a dampner on all that by bleating out like a goat, 'I LOVE YOU!' Love me, indeed! Hit puberty first and then talk about falling in love with a man like me!
You are such a child...a complete baby! Why just me, no man can take you seriously, if you remain like this! Grow up, seriously! And for pete's sake, stop being a door-mat to Pia and to everyone else. If you don't respect yourself, how on earth do you expect others to respect you?
I hope you remember your two promises to me, just as I remember yours. Though I can bet that your second wish is going to get wasted...I can't imagine when we will meet again and if we do, what question can you possibly ask me for which I will have to give you a truthful answer? I think you are just dumb...you should have asked me for my collector's edition of cartier watch...that would have atleast sponsored your wedding dowry if nothing else.
Which gets me to the point that, I expect to be duly remembered and sent an invitation whenever you get married...and don't expect the same from me, cause I have no wish to be tethered to a woman for life...what if she turns out to be like you? I will be stuck eating kichdi for the rest of my celibate life...no way! Ha! Ha! Just pulling your fat legs...which gets me to another point...for goodness sake, start running everday...walking won't help. And make sure you stretch before your exercises...and also nibbling on cucumbers and carrots for dinner is not the answer...eating a balanced diet is.
Also, please remember that a woman is only as beautiful as she feels herself to be. And IMO, you are very beautiful, Bani. But ofcourse, you do everything possible to appear like a frump by wearing clothes that are twice your actual size and by putting enough grease in your hair to sponsor a small African Nation's fuel woes. Start feeling like a woman first...you will automatically start looking like one. Just because you are struck in this one-horse town doesn't mean, you have to limit your imagination and clip your wings.
I have paid your college fees for the remaining terms...and it is not a financial favour...it is just meant to ensure that you don't give up midway and continue and complete your graduation, in respect to my hard-earned money if nothing else. And you can become a lawyer if you wish to. You can become anything that you wish to. Though in my opinion, you are best suited for the role of a hen-pecked housewife, being harassed by a dozen bratty kids (I can bet your kids will be brats!)
Jokes apart, take care of yourself...and be happy...and do well in life...and stay healthy...and...well, I hope the diety in whom I have no belief showers his blessings on you always. You are a dork...but an adorable one at that!
I love you, Bani. Not in the way you wished for, but nevertheless, its still love of a kind. Don't take my repudiating your feelings as a rejection...take it as your good luck and as an opportunity to find someone much better than me for yourself.
I doubt I will be in touch with you...mostly because I want to spend every waking moment trying to get my career back on track and also because I think some relationships are best left the way they are...nameless and timeless.
Move on with your life and may success and happiness be yours.
Love,
Jai
PS: If you are wondering how the letter got to your bedside...don't get creeped out...but I actually came to your room around 3 in the morning. Which reminds me: ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY TO SLEEP WITH THE DOORS UNLOCKED?
PPS: Though you never asked for it, I still went ahead and fulfilled your third wish...which incidentally was my third wish too :)
PPPS: You have really soft lips! What balm do you use? Vaseline? Well, since its unlikely that we'll meet again, I will never know the answer to this one, will I?
Bani dissolved into spurts of giggles even as an explosion of tears ran down her eyes, as she clutched on to Jai's letter, kissing it feverishly and reading and re-reading it, with laughter and tears, together.
"Letting go is
hard, but sometimes holding on is harder" - Anonymous
Part 6 (a)
A few months later
Gurgaon / Delhi
Nachiket passed the slab of butter to Jai, who waved his hand and continued reading the newspaper.
'Dada...do you have to go to court today?'
'No. Not today...but that Adjani case is coming up soon and I will have to make a personal appearance for it next month.'
'There will be some media coverage, for sure!' quipped Nachiket, generously applying the expensive French butter on his toast, while Jai finished his bland egg white omlette with a cup of black coffee.
'Hope not...media should leave people like us alone. We are white collared professionals, not teenage rockstars to be mobbed, stalked, questioned and harassed!' snapped Jai, as he saw his name in connection with a high-profile case he was handling in the National Daily he was reading.
'Well, you are a sort of rockstar...in the field of law.' came back Nachiket, giving a goofy grin at his older brother and making him laugh.
'Shut up and finish your breakfast. I will drop you off at your bank...I have meetings lined up back to back and I am already running late.'
They finished their breakfast quietly and just as Jai got up and wore his blazer, Nachiket looked up at him and giving an awkward smile said, 'I can't thank you enough for letting bygones be bygones...and letting me back in your life...' and added poignantly, 'I missed you Dada, you know...a lot.'
Jai smiled faintly, touching his younger brother's cheeks and remarked, 'I had missed you too, Chote...and it was my mistake...I had held on to a silly grudge for years.'
Taking a moment to pause, Nachiket spoke emotionally, 'I can never forgive myself for not being with you when you were battling with Cancer...all by yourself.'
'Don't be silly, Chote! I hadn't told you about it, how were you supposed to know? Besides, its over now...I really have no wish to speak about it. It was a nightmare and its best forgotton. I am hale and hearty and happy.'
Nachiket grinned and replied, 'Yes you are, touchwood. But still...I wish you hadn't been left all alone for that one year you spent recovering from the treatments...you would have been so lonely and without anyone to even talk to!'
Jai felt a slight lump rising in his throat and ignoring it pointedly, he answered back in a firm voice, 'I was fine. I loved that period of solitude...I think that one year was the best time of my life...it helped me a lot to recover, in mind, body and soul. Okay now, I am seriously late. I don't know about the timing in your bank, but I need to be in my office on time, else all my juniors start cutting slack! Come on now!'
Both the brothers rushed out, as the driver came and collected the bunch of files from Jai and opened the door of the private elevator which led to his swanky high-rise Gurgaon Apartment.
Advoc India Law Offices (Jai's law firm)
'Hey Tiger! What's up? Say if you have 10 minutes to spare, can you possibly drop into my office for a quick cup of coffee and some chit-chat?'
Jai was about to enter his office, when he heard his senior partner and sort of friend, Aditya Bali calling him from behind. Closing his eyes with a sense of acute exasperation and wanting nothing else but to go into his office and start working on the case that he was handling, Jai nevertheless, out of respect to his senior turned to face Aditya and giving a tight smile said, 'Sure, Adi.'
As he strode across the expansive and stunningly appointed glass and chromium open-plan office, some of the new recruits, fresh law graduates and para-legals who assisted the senior lawyers, could not help but gawk at Jai with awe and admiration. Criminal Law as it is represented the very best and most demanding of all legal streams and Jai, despite his relatively young age, was already a name to reckon with. It helped that he had regained a lot of his lost physical glory...he was putting on weight steadily, with the help of a strictly monitored diet and a regular exercise regime...all the hair that had fallen off due to the Chemotherapy had grown back. And it fairly impressed everyone around, even his old-time colleagues and partners, when Jai had come and taken over a particularly controversial and high-profile case and turned it around in a matter of few days. The client whom he had been representing had refused to let anyone from Jai's firm touch his case and was willing to stay put behind bars, till Jai himself came and dealt with it.
The fact that Jai had battled a life-threatening disease and had not only defeated it, but had come back to his normal life in such a short period of life, raised his stature slightly more than where it was already placed, high up on a pedestal.
Jai sat down in the soft leather couch in Aditya's room, wincing a bit when he looked at the ostentatious decor around him. Adi, though a perfectly nice and warm guy, had rather pedestrian tastes when it came to clothes and interior decoration. Jai's own taste in clothes was classic and conventional, while his office space was sleek and modern, with minimum furnishing and just one painting by Vincent Van Gogh which a client had gifted him a few years ago for saving his ass. His room was just like him...impersonal, aloof and quietly intimidating. Infact, the senior-most partner of the firm, who had retired only a few years back, had requested Jai to overlook the decoration of the new office when they had moved in. Jai would have usually put off such a request, but since it came with an offer of partnership in the prestigious law-firm, Jai had been only too willing to get involved in every aspect of his work place.
He not only worked for Advoc India, he was also one of the owners and at just 31 years of age, it was a huge achievement for him.
'Listen dude...' started off Aditya and Jai instantly corrected him, 'Adi...if you insist on being so informal at work, the newbies will get slack and then you know...'
'Yes...Yes...Sorry...Sorry...My Bad...' grinned Aditya, guffawing loudly and getting a cold look from Jai, who said crisply, 'Adjani is coming to meet me in half an hour and I have a mountain load of work to finish before that...can you tell me what is the chit-chat you wanted to have.'
'Yes...Yes...actually my friend from NDTV...Chittaranjan Roy...you must have met him at my place at the last Diwali Party...they are planning to do a Cancer Survivors special episode next month and were wishing if you would be one of the guest speakers. What do you think?'
Glaring coldly at Aditya, Jai answerd back in a flat voice, 'No. I have no wish to come on television, least of all speak about Cancer. Its a chapter that I am over with.'
Taken aback by the straighforward dismissal of his request, Aditya tried again, 'Oh, come on Jai! Its for a good cause. People like to hear about survival stories...and you are a celebrity in your own right...your story is inspirational...why not?'
Jai simply got up from the couch and stated politely but firmly, 'Firstly, I am not a celebrity, I am a professional. Secondly, I don't want any publicity attached with my name that might in any way influence some of the sensitive cases I am working on. Thirdly, my battle with cancer was the darkest period of life which I have no wish to revisit, most definitely not on national television. Anything else? I have work to do.'
Aditya was left speechless, even as Jai walked out of the room, bidding a firm good-bye and fuming with ill-controlled anger.
As soon as he reached his room, he found his long-time personal assistant waiting for him with a long list of To-do's.
'Sir...there was a call from Mr. Gaekwad's office...urgent request for you to call him back on his mobile.'
'Oh God! Now what scandal has that spoilt brat of his committed?' muttered Jai, throwing his jacket on the couch, as his assistant went on with her recital, 'And there is an email from Mrs. Nanda...she wants to set up a meeting with you next time you are in Mumbai. Also, there was a call from the Supritendant of Tihar Jail...Bacchu Yadav apparently broke another inmate's neck...and he refuses to speak to anyone else, apart from his lawyer...' and giving a nervous look at Jai, muttered, 'in this case, you.'
Jai was already working on his case files and impassively kept nodding his head, till she finished her recital.
'There was a reminder call from Dr. Reddy's clinic for your appointment today at 3 Pm. Mr. Ranveer Shenoy had left a reminder for the weekend party at the Chattarpur Farmhouse and there are about two dozen requests from various universities, colleges and law schools, requesting your presence as a guest-speaker.'
Sheryl coughed lightly to indicate that she was done and stood in attention to recieve her orders.
'Sheryl, do one thing...Adjani is expected to drop by any moment now...make sure you barge into my room in another half an hour and declare some sort of an emergency...that is the only way I can be free of that man...and tell Kailash to keep the Car ready at 2 to take me to Dr. Reddy's clinic...get an appointment at Tihar with Bacchu Yadav for tomorrow morning and arrange a bottle of Blue Lable for that rascal...hand-over Mr. Gaekwad's case to either Behl or Shanbagh, whoever is free at the moment, and give an adequate excuse to Mr. G regarding my absence...check my calendar regarding my travel dates...fix a meeting with Kavita Nanda and make sure, you get me a box of the best lichee available in town before I leave for Mumbai. She loves them. Make a list of all the institutions that are asking for my presence as a speaker or whatever and depending on what sort of business they give us, arrange for me to visit there...but make sure, I have absolutely nothing on hand at that time! Okay? Anything else?'
'Sir, what about Mr. Shenoy?'
'Oh...Ranveer...I will call him up directly. Which reminds me, why the hell did he call up the office and not on my mobile?'
Sheryl smiled and said, 'He told me that the only way to get through to you was by appearing in your appointment diary...that's why he called up the office!'
Jai laughed lightly at her comment and then dismissed her off saying, 'Okay...you can leave...and if there is any chance of getting just ten minutes to myself during the day, do let me know...everything is packed to the house today!'
Sheryl nodded her head and quickly went over to the couch, picking up Jai's Armani blazer and hanging it on the Coat hanger. Before leaving the room, she turned to look at her Boss and with a great deal of hesitation, finally blurted out, 'Its really nice having you back at work, Sir. We all missed you very much.'
Jai looked up from his laptop and gave a fleeting smile at his assistant and replied with warmth in his voice, 'Thanks, Sheryl...I appreciate that.'
As soon as he was left alone, Jai dropped all the work he was doing and taking a deep breath, inclined backwards on his seat, pushing his hair back and staring at the ceiling above. Things had not been so bad afterall...his Oncologist's reports had been consistently positive...and apparently he hadn't missed much action in the last one year with regard to his work front, something which had been eating Jai relentlessly. Jai had such an impressive bonding with all his clients, that most of them had preferred to wait for him to come back and let him handle his case, rather than let any of the other lawyers touch them. And even though, most of Jai's clients were crooks and criminals of the worst kind, he could but help feel touched by the faith they had shown in his ability.
The best part was that his younger brother and he were back on old terms...though Nachiket was still working in Bangalore, but he kept dropping by in Delhi for work and now stayed with Jai whenever he was in town.
Was he glad or what, that he had chosen to fulfill Bani's wish and called his brother up. Jai hadn't even waited to come back to Delhi...as soon as his mobile phone had come into range, while driving down from Mukteshwar, he had placed a call to Nachiket, convinced that it would be cut-short. But how wrong he had been...Nachiket had apparently been in the middle of an important board meeting, but he had taken the call, missing not just the meeting but even risking his job to catch the next flight to Delhi, rushing to meet his brother.
Nachiket had been informed about Jai's illness and had tried very hard to get in touch with Jai, but had been snubbed by him everytime. Yet, just one call from Jai and his younger brother had left everything else and had coming rushing to him. Bani had been so correct...why on earth had Jai been holding grudges? For whom? A woman who had not even bothered to enquire about him in all these years? A woman who hadn't even bothered to try and mend fences between the two brothers who had been estranged because of her? But now all was well between Nachiket and him...and it provided great solace to Jai, because Nachiket was all that was left to him in the name of a family.
Jai took out his Iphone and tapped a couple of times on the screen, till he came to the picture of him and Bani grinning goofily against the backdrop of Mukteshwar Dham Temple...all that seemed to be ages back. He still regretted not meeting her one last time before leaving...instead writing a note to her saying goodbye and many other things, some of them truth and some of them complete lies. But he realized that had he indeed been forced to say a final goodbye to her, she would have guessed what was in his heart...simple and uncomplicated as she was, his real feelings would still have become apparent to her, had he stayed on for anytime longer.
And there was no way he wanted to pick her up from the security and safety of her small-hilly paradise and land her in the chaos and clutter of a metropolis...it was like picking a fragile flower from the wild forest and trying to place it in the middle of a barren desert...sooner or later, that flower was going to wilt and die. Yes, he was a selfish man...but not selfish enough to spoil the life of a girl who had loved him with such selflessness. Jai realized he had broken Bani's heart, but he also knew that it was for her own good...there was no point in giving temporary happiness to someone, only to give them a lifetime of regret and grief later on.
Many a times in the last few months since he had left Mukteshwar, Jai had found his fingers wandering unconciously towards the phone, itching to dial Bani's residence number and just listen to her voice...but he stopped himself just in time. It was not a lack of courage that stopped him from calling up Bani...it was his very courage that stopped him from giving into his heart's desires...he remembered the word, Bani had made up during their last scrabble game together...Destiny...maybe if it was in the stars, they would meet again...by coincidence if not by contrivance.
1 Year later
Mukteshwar
Bani stood patiently near her father's bedside, as the doctor finished checking him up and after writing down a couple of medicines, handed them to Bani, who accompanied the doctor till the front gate.
'I hope everything is okay...' mumbled Bani, looking at their family doctor. Ashok had taken seriously ill in the morning and Bani had panicked and called the local doctor to see what had gone wrong.
Dr. Negi took a deep breath and looking at Bani said, 'beta, I did the best I could. To be honest, I am just a GP...and I think your father's case requires the opinion of a Specialist.'
'Why? What is wrong? He was perfectly alright till this morning!' exclaimed Bani, even as tears filled her eyes.
'His heart is very weak after his last attack, Bani...and he is not getting any younger. I will recommend you to take him to someplace like Delhi or Mumbai to get a specialist's opinion. I have a few contacts...I will write a letter of recommendation and get it sent over to you later today. In the meanwhile, make sure you get the medicines I have written down and give it to your father. Okay? Don't worry...whatever happens, will happen for the best. We can only try.'
Bani stood quietly in the lawns of her house, long after the doctor had gone and when she turned to face the vacant house next door, she could not help but burst into tears. Tears that she had buried in the recess of her heart, ever since Jai had gone away...How much she missed Jai's presence in her life! How she wished he was here to give her solace...to humour her...to bully her into being optimistic and not cry at the drop of a hat...to tell her that he was there for her, as her friend and companion.
But he was not there...he had gone away from her life...just like Pia had too...3 months back. Leaving a note for her father and her sister writing that she could bear to stay put with her own family any longer and that she had met the man of her dreams and was going away with him, because she knew that her father and sister would never approve of him, since they were always jealous of her happiness, especially Bani.
Bani had hardly come to terms with the shock of her 18 year old sister running away from home with some strange man, when her father had collapsed due to a heart-attack, brought by Pia's action. With the help of a few kind neighbours, Bani had managed to save her father's life in time, but she had a sinking feeling, that he too was going to leave her very soon.
Bani did not know what to do...look after her ailing father or go about searching for her runaway sister...she felt so hopelessly lost and muddled...her secure, happy and contented existence had come off like bare threads and here she was now, trying to hold on to whatever little she had left.
All that gave her strength and solace was Jai's letter, which she read every single day before going to bed...somehow the love and warmth of his words gave courage to Bani and stopped her from breaking into pieces. And even though he was physically absent from her life, she felt his presence in her spirit and trodded on, taking one day at a time and hoping for the very best.
2 Weeks Later
Rano came with a cup of milk for Bani and kneeling down besides her, spoke tearfully, 'Bani, please have something to eat? You have not had a drop of water in the last two days...please...have a glass of milk atleast.'
Bani kept sitting, huddled into a corner, with her chin buried in her knees, her eyes dried now, because she had no more tears to shed.
Ashok Dixit had died two days back due to a severe heart attack, the only solace being that he had died peacefully in his sleep...when Bani had gone to his room in the morning to give him his medicines, he had never woken up again.
The shock of losing her father had all but numbed Bani into silence and it was only when her oldest and best friend, Rano Singh had come running inside the house of mourning, had Bani broken down into a torrent of tears, burying her head in her best friend's shoulder and crying for a long, long time.
Rano and her family had been next-door-neighbours to Bani for many years and both the girls had literally grown up together, till Rano's father had moved out from Mukteshwar to Bangalore. But the two best friends had stayed in touch, except for the short period, when Jai had moved into the neighbourhood, taking up all of Bani's attention and time. Rano's parents and older brother had always been extremely fond of the warm-hearted and good-natured Bani, just like everyone else in the neighbourhood and had always treated her as part of their family, which is why, on hearing the news about Ashok Dixit's untimely death, they had left everything behind and come rushing to condole the young girl, who was left an orphan.
'Bani, beta...please have something to eat or drink. And then...your Chachaji wants to speak to you about something...come on now, darling...' spoke Rano's mother soothingly, wiping away her own tears, at seeing her daughter's best friend in such a distraught situation.
Bani complied with the request and managed to drink the glass of milk, when Pushkar, Rano's older brother knocked on the door and peeping in, spoke somberly, 'Rano...Papa is asking if Bani would be willing to come out for sometime...he needs to speak with her regarding some important matter.'
Rano helped Bani get up and wash her swollen, tear-strained face and accompanied her to the living room, where a couple of neighbours and a few of the Dixit's long-distance relatives stared at Bani in unison, when she entered, making her shiver and withdraw in fear. The last few days had taken the toll on her spirit and she was simply unable to face anyone anymore. The incessant questions about what had happened to Ashok...where Pia had vanished, what would happen to Bani in the future, had all but clammed her up and she refused to see or speak to anyone except Rano and her family.
Rano's father gave a look at some of the nosy neighbours and relatives and told them in his most officious bureaucratic voice, 'If you would please leave us alone for sometime...I need to speak with Bani alone, regarding her financial standing ect. So please...'
Pushkar was not so subtle, he just shooed everyone out with a, 'Yes...yes...the show is over now...all your sympathies have been well-received and recorded...you can all leave now. Bye, bye.'
Rano gave a look at his brother, who winked at her and gave a grin at Bani, hoping to make her smile, but got nothing except a blank look in response, as she took a seat opposite Nawin Singh, Rano and Pushkar's father.
Nawin Singh spoke in slow, measured tones, 'Beta...I don't know if you were aware or not...but your father...god bless his soul...had made me the executor of his will...I had not expected to be called upon to do this duty so early...but who are we to know what God has written, isn't it?'
Bani looked up blankly at her friend's father and spoke in a broken voice, 'I don't want anything, Chachaji...I just want my Papa back...I don't care about anything else...' and saying that, broke down crying, making Rano and her mother weep along with her too, even as they rushed to console Bani.
Nawin Singh nodded his head gravely and said, 'I understand what you are going through, Bani...your Chachi and I have always seen you like our second daughter...I completely understand your pain...but the business of life has to go one, isn't it? Your father would have wished the same...so please listen to what I have to say and based on that, you have to make some decisions.'
An hour later
Bani looked much more composed now as she finished signing the sheaf of papers that Nawin Singh had given to her.
There wasn't much to it...whatever little bank balance Ashok had, was all left in the name of Bani along with the cottage in which she was now living. It was just enough for Bani to live the simple life she had been living till now.
'Chachaji...can you please do me a favour?' asked Bani in a low voice.
'Ofcourse, tell me beta?'
Hesitating for a bit, she bit her lips and said, 'Can you make arrangements for leaving half of everything that Papa has left for me in Pia's name? Whenever she comes back, I want to her to have her share.'
There was a shocked silence in the room, till Pushkar blurted out, 'Are you crazy, Bani? You want Pia to have your share? She was the one who caused all this to happen...hadn't she run away like this, Ashok Chachaji would have still been alive today...and that girl has not even had the teremity to call and ask about how you have been doing!'
Bani did not react to Pushkar's outburst, only Nawin glared at him and remarked sternly, 'That is enough Pushkar...you need not interfere in this matter...its between Bani and her sister.' And looking at Bani, he remarked, 'Beta, though I don't have the highest opinion about your sister, I respect your wishes...and if you want me to put half of your share in Pia's name, I will make the arrangements. Don't worry.'
'But for that, you will have to agree to one thing that we ask you to do.' remarked Rano's mother, coming near Bani and patting her head affectionately.
Bani looked up and spoke politely, 'Anything you say, Chachiji.'
Lalita Singh shared a look with her husband and kids and then giving a maternal smile at Bani, said, 'You will have to come with us to Bangalore...and live with us there from now onwards, as part of our family, till you get married.'
For a moment, Bani sat with a shocked expression and then blurted out, 'But Chachiji...how is that possible...I cannot...I cannot impose upon you like that...besides, I have never even been out of Mukteshwar...I...'
'No excuses, sweetheart. You are coming with us to Bangalore and you are making your new home with the Singh Family. That is decided. We will lock up the cottage or give it out on rent and you will pack whatever stuff you have and we will leave for Bangalore, together.' exclaimed Rano, holding on to Bani's hands, even as Nawin and Lalita smiled and nodded their heads in unison.
Bani looked utterly beleaguered and did not know how to react to the sudden new development, when Pushkar jumped infront of her and said emphatically, 'Bani, if you come...we can be on the same team and torture Rano, like olden days!'
Rano laughed at her brother's comment and said, 'Silly...it was Bani and me in the same team, and we are the one's who tortured you!'
'Oh! Well, whatever...come with us yaar! Besides, if you ever feel overwhelmed with gratitude, you can always do my homework and repay it!'
Bani could not help but smile at Pushkar's comment, even as tears flowed from her eyes, when Rano hugged her warmly and said, 'we are not just friends, silly...we are sisters for life...and nothing would make me happier than to have your presence in my life again, Bani.'
'So, its decided...Bani is coming with us to Bangalore.' announced Lalita and turning to look at her husband, she said, 'you make the arrangements for giving out the cottage on rent and wrapping off other things...while Rano and I help Bani pack all her luggage...'
'And what should I do?' asked Pushkar, elated at the thought of having Bani living with them in Bangalore.
'You go and sit in a corner peacefully...so that others can do their work properly.' answered Nawin causing everyone including Bani burst into laughter.
3 Days Later
Bani hugged Dulari Chachi even as the older woman wiped her tears and said, 'May god bless you, bitiya...I hope this new life brings lots of happiness in your life...don't think too much about what happened...it was God's will that Bhaisahab had to go away like this...and god willing, one day Pia will also come back to her senses...in the meanwhile, you don't stop living your life because of what happened. Okay?'
Bani nodded her head mutely, bending forwad to touch her elderly neighbour's feet and hugging again, as they both broke down crying. All the neighbours had come to see off Bani, most of them heartbroken to see her going away from Mukteshwar and that too on such a sad note.
Bani walked across to Girdhari, who was still the caretaker for the cottage that Jai had rented and said softly, 'Kaka...if ever there is a message from our Vakil Sahib for me...please do let me know. You have Rano's address in Bangalore...just call me up and let me know. Please.'
Girdhari wiped his tears away and nodded his head, promising her, 'I will always keep that in mind, bitiya...have a safe journey...and if ever Vakil Sahib calls up or comes here, I will let him know about you.'
Giving one last poignant look at the house of childhood and then at the cottage nex-door, she closed her eyes firmly, least her emotions give away and taking her best friend's hands, walked out of her home and town, on the way to start a brand new life.
Part 6 (a)
A few months later
Gurgaon / Delhi
Nachiket passed the slab of butter to Jai, who waved his hand and continued reading the newspaper.
'Dada...do you have to go to court today?'
'No. Not today...but that Adjani case is coming up soon and I will have to make a personal appearance for it next month.'
'There will be some media coverage, for sure!' quipped Nachiket, generously applying the expensive French butter on his toast, while Jai finished his bland egg white omlette with a cup of black coffee.
'Hope not...media should leave people like us alone. We are white collared professionals, not teenage rockstars to be mobbed, stalked, questioned and harassed!' snapped Jai, as he saw his name in connection with a high-profile case he was handling in the National Daily he was reading.
'Well, you are a sort of rockstar...in the field of law.' came back Nachiket, giving a goofy grin at his older brother and making him laugh.
'Shut up and finish your breakfast. I will drop you off at your bank...I have meetings lined up back to back and I am already running late.'
They finished their breakfast quietly and just as Jai got up and wore his blazer, Nachiket looked up at him and giving an awkward smile said, 'I can't thank you enough for letting bygones be bygones...and letting me back in your life...' and added poignantly, 'I missed you Dada, you know...a lot.'
Jai smiled faintly, touching his younger brother's cheeks and remarked, 'I had missed you too, Chote...and it was my mistake...I had held on to a silly grudge for years.'
Taking a moment to pause, Nachiket spoke emotionally, 'I can never forgive myself for not being with you when you were battling with Cancer...all by yourself.'
'Don't be silly, Chote! I hadn't told you about it, how were you supposed to know? Besides, its over now...I really have no wish to speak about it. It was a nightmare and its best forgotton. I am hale and hearty and happy.'
Nachiket grinned and replied, 'Yes you are, touchwood. But still...I wish you hadn't been left all alone for that one year you spent recovering from the treatments...you would have been so lonely and without anyone to even talk to!'
Jai felt a slight lump rising in his throat and ignoring it pointedly, he answered back in a firm voice, 'I was fine. I loved that period of solitude...I think that one year was the best time of my life...it helped me a lot to recover, in mind, body and soul. Okay now, I am seriously late. I don't know about the timing in your bank, but I need to be in my office on time, else all my juniors start cutting slack! Come on now!'
Both the brothers rushed out, as the driver came and collected the bunch of files from Jai and opened the door of the private elevator which led to his swanky high-rise Gurgaon Apartment.
Advoc India Law Offices (Jai's law firm)
'Hey Tiger! What's up? Say if you have 10 minutes to spare, can you possibly drop into my office for a quick cup of coffee and some chit-chat?'
Jai was about to enter his office, when he heard his senior partner and sort of friend, Aditya Bali calling him from behind. Closing his eyes with a sense of acute exasperation and wanting nothing else but to go into his office and start working on the case that he was handling, Jai nevertheless, out of respect to his senior turned to face Aditya and giving a tight smile said, 'Sure, Adi.'
As he strode across the expansive and stunningly appointed glass and chromium open-plan office, some of the new recruits, fresh law graduates and para-legals who assisted the senior lawyers, could not help but gawk at Jai with awe and admiration. Criminal Law as it is represented the very best and most demanding of all legal streams and Jai, despite his relatively young age, was already a name to reckon with. It helped that he had regained a lot of his lost physical glory...he was putting on weight steadily, with the help of a strictly monitored diet and a regular exercise regime...all the hair that had fallen off due to the Chemotherapy had grown back. And it fairly impressed everyone around, even his old-time colleagues and partners, when Jai had come and taken over a particularly controversial and high-profile case and turned it around in a matter of few days. The client whom he had been representing had refused to let anyone from Jai's firm touch his case and was willing to stay put behind bars, till Jai himself came and dealt with it.
The fact that Jai had battled a life-threatening disease and had not only defeated it, but had come back to his normal life in such a short period of life, raised his stature slightly more than where it was already placed, high up on a pedestal.
Jai sat down in the soft leather couch in Aditya's room, wincing a bit when he looked at the ostentatious decor around him. Adi, though a perfectly nice and warm guy, had rather pedestrian tastes when it came to clothes and interior decoration. Jai's own taste in clothes was classic and conventional, while his office space was sleek and modern, with minimum furnishing and just one painting by Vincent Van Gogh which a client had gifted him a few years ago for saving his ass. His room was just like him...impersonal, aloof and quietly intimidating. Infact, the senior-most partner of the firm, who had retired only a few years back, had requested Jai to overlook the decoration of the new office when they had moved in. Jai would have usually put off such a request, but since it came with an offer of partnership in the prestigious law-firm, Jai had been only too willing to get involved in every aspect of his work place.
He not only worked for Advoc India, he was also one of the owners and at just 31 years of age, it was a huge achievement for him.
'Listen dude...' started off Aditya and Jai instantly corrected him, 'Adi...if you insist on being so informal at work, the newbies will get slack and then you know...'
'Yes...Yes...Sorry...Sorry...My Bad...' grinned Aditya, guffawing loudly and getting a cold look from Jai, who said crisply, 'Adjani is coming to meet me in half an hour and I have a mountain load of work to finish before that...can you tell me what is the chit-chat you wanted to have.'
'Yes...Yes...actually my friend from NDTV...Chittaranjan Roy...you must have met him at my place at the last Diwali Party...they are planning to do a Cancer Survivors special episode next month and were wishing if you would be one of the guest speakers. What do you think?'
Glaring coldly at Aditya, Jai answerd back in a flat voice, 'No. I have no wish to come on television, least of all speak about Cancer. Its a chapter that I am over with.'
Taken aback by the straighforward dismissal of his request, Aditya tried again, 'Oh, come on Jai! Its for a good cause. People like to hear about survival stories...and you are a celebrity in your own right...your story is inspirational...why not?'
Jai simply got up from the couch and stated politely but firmly, 'Firstly, I am not a celebrity, I am a professional. Secondly, I don't want any publicity attached with my name that might in any way influence some of the sensitive cases I am working on. Thirdly, my battle with cancer was the darkest period of life which I have no wish to revisit, most definitely not on national television. Anything else? I have work to do.'
Aditya was left speechless, even as Jai walked out of the room, bidding a firm good-bye and fuming with ill-controlled anger.
As soon as he reached his room, he found his long-time personal assistant waiting for him with a long list of To-do's.
'Sir...there was a call from Mr. Gaekwad's office...urgent request for you to call him back on his mobile.'
'Oh God! Now what scandal has that spoilt brat of his committed?' muttered Jai, throwing his jacket on the couch, as his assistant went on with her recital, 'And there is an email from Mrs. Nanda...she wants to set up a meeting with you next time you are in Mumbai. Also, there was a call from the Supritendant of Tihar Jail...Bacchu Yadav apparently broke another inmate's neck...and he refuses to speak to anyone else, apart from his lawyer...' and giving a nervous look at Jai, muttered, 'in this case, you.'
Jai was already working on his case files and impassively kept nodding his head, till she finished her recital.
'There was a reminder call from Dr. Reddy's clinic for your appointment today at 3 Pm. Mr. Ranveer Shenoy had left a reminder for the weekend party at the Chattarpur Farmhouse and there are about two dozen requests from various universities, colleges and law schools, requesting your presence as a guest-speaker.'
Sheryl coughed lightly to indicate that she was done and stood in attention to recieve her orders.
'Sheryl, do one thing...Adjani is expected to drop by any moment now...make sure you barge into my room in another half an hour and declare some sort of an emergency...that is the only way I can be free of that man...and tell Kailash to keep the Car ready at 2 to take me to Dr. Reddy's clinic...get an appointment at Tihar with Bacchu Yadav for tomorrow morning and arrange a bottle of Blue Lable for that rascal...hand-over Mr. Gaekwad's case to either Behl or Shanbagh, whoever is free at the moment, and give an adequate excuse to Mr. G regarding my absence...check my calendar regarding my travel dates...fix a meeting with Kavita Nanda and make sure, you get me a box of the best lichee available in town before I leave for Mumbai. She loves them. Make a list of all the institutions that are asking for my presence as a speaker or whatever and depending on what sort of business they give us, arrange for me to visit there...but make sure, I have absolutely nothing on hand at that time! Okay? Anything else?'
'Sir, what about Mr. Shenoy?'
'Oh...Ranveer...I will call him up directly. Which reminds me, why the hell did he call up the office and not on my mobile?'
Sheryl smiled and said, 'He told me that the only way to get through to you was by appearing in your appointment diary...that's why he called up the office!'
Jai laughed lightly at her comment and then dismissed her off saying, 'Okay...you can leave...and if there is any chance of getting just ten minutes to myself during the day, do let me know...everything is packed to the house today!'
Sheryl nodded her head and quickly went over to the couch, picking up Jai's Armani blazer and hanging it on the Coat hanger. Before leaving the room, she turned to look at her Boss and with a great deal of hesitation, finally blurted out, 'Its really nice having you back at work, Sir. We all missed you very much.'
Jai looked up from his laptop and gave a fleeting smile at his assistant and replied with warmth in his voice, 'Thanks, Sheryl...I appreciate that.'
As soon as he was left alone, Jai dropped all the work he was doing and taking a deep breath, inclined backwards on his seat, pushing his hair back and staring at the ceiling above. Things had not been so bad afterall...his Oncologist's reports had been consistently positive...and apparently he hadn't missed much action in the last one year with regard to his work front, something which had been eating Jai relentlessly. Jai had such an impressive bonding with all his clients, that most of them had preferred to wait for him to come back and let him handle his case, rather than let any of the other lawyers touch them. And even though, most of Jai's clients were crooks and criminals of the worst kind, he could but help feel touched by the faith they had shown in his ability.
The best part was that his younger brother and he were back on old terms...though Nachiket was still working in Bangalore, but he kept dropping by in Delhi for work and now stayed with Jai whenever he was in town.
Was he glad or what, that he had chosen to fulfill Bani's wish and called his brother up. Jai hadn't even waited to come back to Delhi...as soon as his mobile phone had come into range, while driving down from Mukteshwar, he had placed a call to Nachiket, convinced that it would be cut-short. But how wrong he had been...Nachiket had apparently been in the middle of an important board meeting, but he had taken the call, missing not just the meeting but even risking his job to catch the next flight to Delhi, rushing to meet his brother.
Nachiket had been informed about Jai's illness and had tried very hard to get in touch with Jai, but had been snubbed by him everytime. Yet, just one call from Jai and his younger brother had left everything else and had coming rushing to him. Bani had been so correct...why on earth had Jai been holding grudges? For whom? A woman who had not even bothered to enquire about him in all these years? A woman who hadn't even bothered to try and mend fences between the two brothers who had been estranged because of her? But now all was well between Nachiket and him...and it provided great solace to Jai, because Nachiket was all that was left to him in the name of a family.
Jai took out his Iphone and tapped a couple of times on the screen, till he came to the picture of him and Bani grinning goofily against the backdrop of Mukteshwar Dham Temple...all that seemed to be ages back. He still regretted not meeting her one last time before leaving...instead writing a note to her saying goodbye and many other things, some of them truth and some of them complete lies. But he realized that had he indeed been forced to say a final goodbye to her, she would have guessed what was in his heart...simple and uncomplicated as she was, his real feelings would still have become apparent to her, had he stayed on for anytime longer.
And there was no way he wanted to pick her up from the security and safety of her small-hilly paradise and land her in the chaos and clutter of a metropolis...it was like picking a fragile flower from the wild forest and trying to place it in the middle of a barren desert...sooner or later, that flower was going to wilt and die. Yes, he was a selfish man...but not selfish enough to spoil the life of a girl who had loved him with such selflessness. Jai realized he had broken Bani's heart, but he also knew that it was for her own good...there was no point in giving temporary happiness to someone, only to give them a lifetime of regret and grief later on.
Many a times in the last few months since he had left Mukteshwar, Jai had found his fingers wandering unconciously towards the phone, itching to dial Bani's residence number and just listen to her voice...but he stopped himself just in time. It was not a lack of courage that stopped him from calling up Bani...it was his very courage that stopped him from giving into his heart's desires...he remembered the word, Bani had made up during their last scrabble game together...Destiny...maybe if it was in the stars, they would meet again...by coincidence if not by contrivance.
1 Year later
Mukteshwar
Bani stood patiently near her father's bedside, as the doctor finished checking him up and after writing down a couple of medicines, handed them to Bani, who accompanied the doctor till the front gate.
'I hope everything is okay...' mumbled Bani, looking at their family doctor. Ashok had taken seriously ill in the morning and Bani had panicked and called the local doctor to see what had gone wrong.
Dr. Negi took a deep breath and looking at Bani said, 'beta, I did the best I could. To be honest, I am just a GP...and I think your father's case requires the opinion of a Specialist.'
'Why? What is wrong? He was perfectly alright till this morning!' exclaimed Bani, even as tears filled her eyes.
'His heart is very weak after his last attack, Bani...and he is not getting any younger. I will recommend you to take him to someplace like Delhi or Mumbai to get a specialist's opinion. I have a few contacts...I will write a letter of recommendation and get it sent over to you later today. In the meanwhile, make sure you get the medicines I have written down and give it to your father. Okay? Don't worry...whatever happens, will happen for the best. We can only try.'
Bani stood quietly in the lawns of her house, long after the doctor had gone and when she turned to face the vacant house next door, she could not help but burst into tears. Tears that she had buried in the recess of her heart, ever since Jai had gone away...How much she missed Jai's presence in her life! How she wished he was here to give her solace...to humour her...to bully her into being optimistic and not cry at the drop of a hat...to tell her that he was there for her, as her friend and companion.
But he was not there...he had gone away from her life...just like Pia had too...3 months back. Leaving a note for her father and her sister writing that she could bear to stay put with her own family any longer and that she had met the man of her dreams and was going away with him, because she knew that her father and sister would never approve of him, since they were always jealous of her happiness, especially Bani.
Bani had hardly come to terms with the shock of her 18 year old sister running away from home with some strange man, when her father had collapsed due to a heart-attack, brought by Pia's action. With the help of a few kind neighbours, Bani had managed to save her father's life in time, but she had a sinking feeling, that he too was going to leave her very soon.
Bani did not know what to do...look after her ailing father or go about searching for her runaway sister...she felt so hopelessly lost and muddled...her secure, happy and contented existence had come off like bare threads and here she was now, trying to hold on to whatever little she had left.
All that gave her strength and solace was Jai's letter, which she read every single day before going to bed...somehow the love and warmth of his words gave courage to Bani and stopped her from breaking into pieces. And even though he was physically absent from her life, she felt his presence in her spirit and trodded on, taking one day at a time and hoping for the very best.
2 Weeks Later
Rano came with a cup of milk for Bani and kneeling down besides her, spoke tearfully, 'Bani, please have something to eat? You have not had a drop of water in the last two days...please...have a glass of milk atleast.'
Bani kept sitting, huddled into a corner, with her chin buried in her knees, her eyes dried now, because she had no more tears to shed.
Ashok Dixit had died two days back due to a severe heart attack, the only solace being that he had died peacefully in his sleep...when Bani had gone to his room in the morning to give him his medicines, he had never woken up again.
The shock of losing her father had all but numbed Bani into silence and it was only when her oldest and best friend, Rano Singh had come running inside the house of mourning, had Bani broken down into a torrent of tears, burying her head in her best friend's shoulder and crying for a long, long time.
Rano and her family had been next-door-neighbours to Bani for many years and both the girls had literally grown up together, till Rano's father had moved out from Mukteshwar to Bangalore. But the two best friends had stayed in touch, except for the short period, when Jai had moved into the neighbourhood, taking up all of Bani's attention and time. Rano's parents and older brother had always been extremely fond of the warm-hearted and good-natured Bani, just like everyone else in the neighbourhood and had always treated her as part of their family, which is why, on hearing the news about Ashok Dixit's untimely death, they had left everything behind and come rushing to condole the young girl, who was left an orphan.
'Bani, beta...please have something to eat or drink. And then...your Chachaji wants to speak to you about something...come on now, darling...' spoke Rano's mother soothingly, wiping away her own tears, at seeing her daughter's best friend in such a distraught situation.
Bani complied with the request and managed to drink the glass of milk, when Pushkar, Rano's older brother knocked on the door and peeping in, spoke somberly, 'Rano...Papa is asking if Bani would be willing to come out for sometime...he needs to speak with her regarding some important matter.'
Rano helped Bani get up and wash her swollen, tear-strained face and accompanied her to the living room, where a couple of neighbours and a few of the Dixit's long-distance relatives stared at Bani in unison, when she entered, making her shiver and withdraw in fear. The last few days had taken the toll on her spirit and she was simply unable to face anyone anymore. The incessant questions about what had happened to Ashok...where Pia had vanished, what would happen to Bani in the future, had all but clammed her up and she refused to see or speak to anyone except Rano and her family.
Rano's father gave a look at some of the nosy neighbours and relatives and told them in his most officious bureaucratic voice, 'If you would please leave us alone for sometime...I need to speak with Bani alone, regarding her financial standing ect. So please...'
Pushkar was not so subtle, he just shooed everyone out with a, 'Yes...yes...the show is over now...all your sympathies have been well-received and recorded...you can all leave now. Bye, bye.'
Rano gave a look at his brother, who winked at her and gave a grin at Bani, hoping to make her smile, but got nothing except a blank look in response, as she took a seat opposite Nawin Singh, Rano and Pushkar's father.
Nawin Singh spoke in slow, measured tones, 'Beta...I don't know if you were aware or not...but your father...god bless his soul...had made me the executor of his will...I had not expected to be called upon to do this duty so early...but who are we to know what God has written, isn't it?'
Bani looked up blankly at her friend's father and spoke in a broken voice, 'I don't want anything, Chachaji...I just want my Papa back...I don't care about anything else...' and saying that, broke down crying, making Rano and her mother weep along with her too, even as they rushed to console Bani.
Nawin Singh nodded his head gravely and said, 'I understand what you are going through, Bani...your Chachi and I have always seen you like our second daughter...I completely understand your pain...but the business of life has to go one, isn't it? Your father would have wished the same...so please listen to what I have to say and based on that, you have to make some decisions.'
An hour later
Bani looked much more composed now as she finished signing the sheaf of papers that Nawin Singh had given to her.
There wasn't much to it...whatever little bank balance Ashok had, was all left in the name of Bani along with the cottage in which she was now living. It was just enough for Bani to live the simple life she had been living till now.
'Chachaji...can you please do me a favour?' asked Bani in a low voice.
'Ofcourse, tell me beta?'
Hesitating for a bit, she bit her lips and said, 'Can you make arrangements for leaving half of everything that Papa has left for me in Pia's name? Whenever she comes back, I want to her to have her share.'
There was a shocked silence in the room, till Pushkar blurted out, 'Are you crazy, Bani? You want Pia to have your share? She was the one who caused all this to happen...hadn't she run away like this, Ashok Chachaji would have still been alive today...and that girl has not even had the teremity to call and ask about how you have been doing!'
Bani did not react to Pushkar's outburst, only Nawin glared at him and remarked sternly, 'That is enough Pushkar...you need not interfere in this matter...its between Bani and her sister.' And looking at Bani, he remarked, 'Beta, though I don't have the highest opinion about your sister, I respect your wishes...and if you want me to put half of your share in Pia's name, I will make the arrangements. Don't worry.'
'But for that, you will have to agree to one thing that we ask you to do.' remarked Rano's mother, coming near Bani and patting her head affectionately.
Bani looked up and spoke politely, 'Anything you say, Chachiji.'
Lalita Singh shared a look with her husband and kids and then giving a maternal smile at Bani, said, 'You will have to come with us to Bangalore...and live with us there from now onwards, as part of our family, till you get married.'
For a moment, Bani sat with a shocked expression and then blurted out, 'But Chachiji...how is that possible...I cannot...I cannot impose upon you like that...besides, I have never even been out of Mukteshwar...I...'
'No excuses, sweetheart. You are coming with us to Bangalore and you are making your new home with the Singh Family. That is decided. We will lock up the cottage or give it out on rent and you will pack whatever stuff you have and we will leave for Bangalore, together.' exclaimed Rano, holding on to Bani's hands, even as Nawin and Lalita smiled and nodded their heads in unison.
Bani looked utterly beleaguered and did not know how to react to the sudden new development, when Pushkar jumped infront of her and said emphatically, 'Bani, if you come...we can be on the same team and torture Rano, like olden days!'
Rano laughed at her brother's comment and said, 'Silly...it was Bani and me in the same team, and we are the one's who tortured you!'
'Oh! Well, whatever...come with us yaar! Besides, if you ever feel overwhelmed with gratitude, you can always do my homework and repay it!'
Bani could not help but smile at Pushkar's comment, even as tears flowed from her eyes, when Rano hugged her warmly and said, 'we are not just friends, silly...we are sisters for life...and nothing would make me happier than to have your presence in my life again, Bani.'
'So, its decided...Bani is coming with us to Bangalore.' announced Lalita and turning to look at her husband, she said, 'you make the arrangements for giving out the cottage on rent and wrapping off other things...while Rano and I help Bani pack all her luggage...'
'And what should I do?' asked Pushkar, elated at the thought of having Bani living with them in Bangalore.
'You go and sit in a corner peacefully...so that others can do their work properly.' answered Nawin causing everyone including Bani burst into laughter.
3 Days Later
Bani hugged Dulari Chachi even as the older woman wiped her tears and said, 'May god bless you, bitiya...I hope this new life brings lots of happiness in your life...don't think too much about what happened...it was God's will that Bhaisahab had to go away like this...and god willing, one day Pia will also come back to her senses...in the meanwhile, you don't stop living your life because of what happened. Okay?'
Bani nodded her head mutely, bending forwad to touch her elderly neighbour's feet and hugging again, as they both broke down crying. All the neighbours had come to see off Bani, most of them heartbroken to see her going away from Mukteshwar and that too on such a sad note.
Bani walked across to Girdhari, who was still the caretaker for the cottage that Jai had rented and said softly, 'Kaka...if ever there is a message from our Vakil Sahib for me...please do let me know. You have Rano's address in Bangalore...just call me up and let me know. Please.'
Girdhari wiped his tears away and nodded his head, promising her, 'I will always keep that in mind, bitiya...have a safe journey...and if ever Vakil Sahib calls up or comes here, I will let him know about you.'
Giving one last poignant look at the house of childhood and then at the cottage nex-door, she closed her eyes firmly, least her emotions give away and taking her best friend's hands, walked out of her home and town, on the way to start a brand new life.
Part 6 (b)
“Trying to forget really doesn't work. In fact, it's pretty much the same as remembering. But I tried to forget anyway, and to ignore the fact that I was remembering you all the time.”
- Rebecca Stead
Jai
Life was going good for him...infact it was soaring! Sometimes he couldn't believe that there was a time when he had given up all hope...sitting defenseless and dejected at his Oncologist's office, hearing him pronounce his death sentence. And even when he had beaten Cancer, Jai had felt everything that mattered to him in his life would be taken away from him and he would never get it back.
And today, more than 4 years after Jai's last chemotherapy session, here he was - hale and hearty, successful and flourishing, active and occupied...and happy.
The last adjective seemed a bit dicey...was he happy? There were times when he felt that he owned the world...everything was going great for him...his brother and he were back together...he had started his partying circuit again, he was no longer stuck in a lonely, far-off spot, away from civilization...he had once again started earning so much money that he simply did not know what to do with it. Yes, he was happy, if that is how one described happiness.
Then what was it that kept rankling his heart? What was it that pulled him into an abyss of misery and lonliness even in the midst of a crowd? Why was it that even when he was with the most beautiful, attractive and intelligent woman, his mind and heart wandered someplace else? What was it that kept him awake at night and simultaneously lulled him into sweet sleep?
Bani.
Maybe...if he hand't met Bani. He would probably have been happy. Genuinely happy. The way a man is really happy. Having beaten a life-threatening disease, having regained his lost health, having not just caught up on his career but doing even better than ever...all that had mattered to Jai at one time and he would certainly have been a happy man.
But that was before he had lost his heart to the girl-next-door and now try as he might, his life seemed to have been split into two halves...one part which convinced him that what he had now was his reality and that was his happiness...and one that kept telling him that she was his real happiness and without her, nothing else really mattered.
Jai and Nachiket
'Dada...you don't understand, I can't marry.' announced Nachiket quietly, while sharing a dinner with Jai in his apartment. Nachiket worked for a large Investment Bank and kept travelling frequently to Delhi on work, and always stayed with Jai, trying to spend as much time as possible with his older brother, in an attempt to make up for the lost period when they were estranged.
Jai gave an irritated snort and snapped back, 'Stop this sentimental tomfoolery, Chote! When I have forgotton about what happened, why on earth are you still hanging on to it? And what do you mean by you won't get married? What about your committment to that poor girl whom you have been taking out on dates and doing what not for the last so many years?'
Nachiket mottled a dark shade of pink, withering under his brother's sharp words and tried to speak again, 'Dada...I can't get over what I had done in the past...because of which you never got married...how can I go ahead with my new life when you are still...'
Cutting his brother short, Jai spoke in a clear voice, 'what happened is the past...I already regret blowing that issue out of proportion...and for goodness sake, Chote...my not getting married has nothing to do with Roshni or you. If anything, I should be thanking you for what happened. That marriage, had it happened, would have been a disaster on an epic scale...and I think I am infinitely better off being single than being stuck with a wife who would have been a millstone around my neck!'
Nachiket had teared up and was making circles with his fork on the dinner plate, not looking up at his brother, but Jai understood and kept a comforting hand on his younger brother's shoulder and said emphatically, 'Chote...please. If you don't get married to the girl you love because of me, I would have to live with guilt for the rest of my life...if happiness is waiting for you, why do you have to deliberately turn it away? I am very happy for both you and Purva...she is a lovely girl...you are very lucky to have someone like her...'
Nachiket seemed to ponder on his brother's words, when Jai added, 'Please Chote...I assure you...my not getting married has nothing to with you or with anything else...I just don't want to get into this institution...I am happy being single...I love my independence...but you have someone special in your life...someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't squander it for nothing!'
Nachiket had broken down crying, only to be hugged by Jai, who joked and said, 'And if you start off on this nonsense again, trust me...this time I would be the one making out with your woman...'
'Dada!' yelped Nachiket, breaking into laughter as both the brothers hugged one another and Jai asked Nachiket to fix a meeting between him and Purva's parents as soon as possible.
Jai and Ranveer
Jai had thrown a casual party for some of his colleagues and friends at his Chattarpur Farmhouse and since there was no lady to do the hosting duties, he had requested his best friend Ranveer's wife Sneha to do the same. The party was in full swing and after having greeted all the guests, Jai found a quiet corner for himself and sat down on the wooden swings, sipping his scotch and soda, looking lost and pensive.
'A penny for your thoughts!' interrupted Ranveer's friendly voice, making Jai startle and look up at his friend.
'Hey!' Jai remarked absently, ushering Ranveer to take a seat.
'What's up? Why is the life and soul of every Page 3 party sitting all by himself in a corner when there is a party going on in his very own house?' questioned Ranveer.
'Nothing yaar...just feeling tired...I have been travelling non-stop for the last one month...not getting a break...besides, Sneha is doing such a great job of hosting! You are really lucky to have a wife like her!' remarked Jai with a distracted smile.
Ranveer stared thoughtfully at his friend and spoke in a tempered voice, 'Jai, if you are missing her so much, why don't you just call her up? Why do you have to consciously hurt yourself in this manner?'
Abashed at his friend's statement, Jai looked at him with hostility and tried to defend himself, but somehow was unable to do that.
'Jai...you can hide your feelings from everyone...but we have known each other since junior school...I can look at you and guess what is in your mind!'
Jai snapped back in a cantankerous voice, 'there is nothing in my mind! I told you, I am just physically exhausted...the work has been unrelenting...'
'Its your soul that has got exhausted, Jai...not your body...you are missing that girl and that is a fact. Whether you confess to it or not!' answered back Ranveer sanguinly.
Jai did not reply to the statement, instead drained his glass and spoke in a rough voice voice attempting to sound humourous, 'I just need to get laid...I don't even remember when last I was with a woman! Let me see if there is anyone in this party who would be willing for a night-cap!'
Ranveer just shook his head in exasperation and answered back, 'Yes...this is exactly what a man in love needs to do. Sleep around with random women and screw up whatever little chance of happiness he could have had!'
Before Jai could have a chance to retort, Ranveer got up and spoke to him, 'Jai...I don't know what is stopping you...I can guess, but I am not sure...so I will let you handle this on your own. But whatever your reasons are...however justified they might seem to you...just remember, that you are making all the decisions on your own, without asking her about it...so in your mind, you might be doing the 'right' thing...but in reality, what you are doing is very unfair and one-sided.'
Saying that, Ranveer walked off, leaving Jai speechless and numb.
What Ranveer had just said, was it really true? Was he being unjust by not telling Bani what he felt about her and why he could not be with her?
Suddenly, Jai felt so small and feeble..that girl...who hadn't even stepped out of the confines of her small town had opened her heart to him with the utmost sincerity and faith...not for once fearing that he might crush it or hurt her back...and he...a man of the world...was being such a wuss about his own feelings...not having the courage to tell her what he felt, instead giving reasons to himself for not having told her the truth...for having broken her heart.
Mid-night
When the last of the guests had gone away, Jai had retired to his room in the farmhouse and after giving much thought, he finally managed to dial Bani's landline number in Mukteshwar, even as his fingers shivered and he wondered how she would react to his call, after more than 3 years. He did not even know whether he would be able to speak to her or not, maybe just listen to her voice and cut the phone.
The number kept ringing, till a sleepy voice answered back, 'Kaun hai?'
Jai was taken aback by the unfamilar tone...it was certianly not Mr. Dixit's genial voice nor was it Pia's arrogant squeal and it was definitely not Bani's sweet, shaky tremor.
'Er...can I speak with Ms. Bani Dixit please?' Jai asked uncertainly.
'Hain? Kaun?'
'Bani Dixit. B-A-N-I. Can I speak with her?' repeated Jai patiently.
'Wrong number hai, bhaisahab. No Bani lives here.' and saying that the phone was cut abruptly.
Taken aback, Jai instantly dialled the number again.
'Hello!'
'Can I speak with Bani...'
'Arre Baba...why are you spoiling my sleep unnecessarily? I am telling you, its a wrong number...no Bani Dixit lives here.'
'Who are you?'
'Mukund Kandpal. And I don't know any Bani Dixit. Goodnight.'
Before the phone could be cut again, Jai spoke up, 'Just a second..is this Cottage number 23...Joshi Lane, Mukteshwar?'
'Haan Baba...address is correct and phone number is correct also. But the Kandpal family lives here now.'
'But the Dixit's used to live here...atleast till 3 years back? Where are they now?' asked Jai, sounding completely bewildered and shocked at the unexpected turn of events.
Mukund Kandpal, now his sleep disturbed, answered back irritatedly, 'I don't know...we purchased the cottage one year back through some Mr. Ashwin Jhakar...'
'Ashwin Jhakar? Who the hell...forget that...but someone must have been living here when you came, isn't it?'
'Arre Baba, no! It was empty. There was no one living. Listen, I have to leave early for work tomorrow, if you have finished your cross-questioning, can I go back to sleep?'
Jai was so taken aback by the unexpected development, that he did not even realize when the other man had cut the phone, disconnecting the line, least the pesky mid-night caller call up again.
Next Day
Telling Sheryl to push back his appointments for sometime, Jai set about calling Girdhari in Mukteshwar, worried as hell about Bani and the Dixit Family, wondering why they sold off their ancestral house and where could they possibly be?
It took a couple of rings for Girdhari to pick up the phone and another excruciating ten minutes for Jai to explain who he was, followed by excited squeals and greetings from the old care-taker.
'Yes...Yes...I am fine, Girdhari. Thank you very much. Listen, I called up for something very important. I was trying to call Bani...someone else picked up the phone and they have no clue about the Dixit's. What is wrong? Where is Bani and the others?'
Girdhari sounded shocked and muttered, 'Vakil Sahib, you don't know about Dixit Babu then?'
'Obviously not. Would I be sounding so confused, had I known about it? What happened?'
'Bada bura hua Vakil Sahib. Dixit Babu died three years ago...'
Stunned by the news, Jai could hardly react and the first question he asked was, 'What about Bani?' and then added, 'And her sister, Pia? Where are they? Why did they have to sell off their home?'
Girdhari muttered mournfully on the phone, 'Arre, kya bataye Vakil Babu...that Pia...she dishonored not only her sister and father...but the entire town...ran away with some chap...leaving a letter behind for her poor sister and father...Dixit Babu fell ill after that and never recovered. Poor Bani bitiya...left an orphan.'
Jai felt his heart missing a beat...he could not believe what he was hearing! So much had happened in the last three years and here he had been sitting clueless and happy that Bani was getting along in life! What a huge mistake he had made.
'Girdhari...where is Bani?'
Girdhari seemed to take some moment off to think and said, 'She went off with some old family friends, Sahib. Left Mukteshwar...I don't remember where...infact, she had given me her address...had told me that if you ever call up, I should let you know where she is.'
Jai was so overwhelmed by all that he heard, he found it difficult to even speak properly.
'Tell me the address right now, Girdhari.'
Girdhari seemed to pause and then spoke in an apologetic voice, 'Maafi Sahib...I don't know where I misplaced it...infact, Bani bitiya used to call up till about a year back...but for the last few months, her phone has stopped coming...I don't even remember the name of the place she went to.'
This was all Jai could take before yelling, 'YOU BLOODY OLD CRONE!' and banged his mobile on his desk with such vehemance, that Sheryl came running inside wondering what had happened.
2 Weeks Later
Jai was in the midst of an important board meeting, when his phone rang on silent mode and despite the disapproving looks from his board of directors, Jai excused himself and went outside to take the call.
'Hey Kurien...do you have some information?'
'Hello Mr. Walia...Um...not much to be honest. I did get to know that Mr. Ashwin Jhakar who arranged to get the house sold is married to the younger Ms. Dixit.'
Stunned, Jai remarked, 'Pia's husband? When...how...Oh, forget it! What about Bani Dixit? Any idea where she went?'
'Not really...we tried to enquire from the neighbours...but they don't seem to know much...but I could confirm one thing. A year back, she had collected her graduation degree from Delhi University...I had checked that reference you gave me...the college has the records of her signature ect. on recieving the degree.'
Jai heaved a sigh of relief...so she was hale and hearty till atleast a year back. 'But no clue on where she is now? The college must have taken some address or some contact from her.'
'No Sir. The address in the college records are that of Mukteshwar...there is really no trace of her after that.' and hesitating a bit added, 'If you are willing to let me print a picture of her in the newspaper, there is a much higher chance of getting a positive report.'
'No.' said Jai emphatically. There was no way that he was putting her picture in the newspaper and landing her in some sort of trouble...especially if she was married by now.
'Okay Sir. Then I will just keep trying...Sir, I have an idea. Why don't you try and speak with Mr. Jhakar? His wife is Ms. Dixit's sister afterall. I am sure they must have some idea.'
'Text me his number, Kurien...and keep me in the loop if anything come up.'
'Right Sir. Goodbye.'
Jai went back to the conference room to participate in the rest of the meeting, but found his attention wavering constantly. He could not rest in peace till he was assured about Bani's well-being and found it impossible to forgive himself for not being with her during her darkest days.
Jai and Pia
Jai looked completely out of place in the congested, seedy looking locality of Padav Nagar, a lower-income suburb in the eastern part of Delhi. His personal security guard, Shera gave a menacing look at the people who had surrounded Jai's posh Lamborghini and shooed the kids away. If he wondered what his boss was doing in such an area, he kept his wonder to himself, instead doing his duty with an impassive expression.
Jai read the nameplate outside the decript looking house, 'Jhakars' and gave a sharp knock.
A suspicious looking older woman opened the door and Jai found himself face to face with a young man and Pia, whom Jai could barely recognize as the flighty yet pretty girl from his stay in Mukteshwar. She seemed to have aged all of a sudden and looked pretty much unkempt and slovenly, dressed in a drab salwar kameez, that comically reminded Jai of Bani's clothes back in Mukteshwar.
Without cutting corners, Jai came straight to the point, 'I came to enquire about Bani. Do you have any contact with her?'
Pia fidgeted a bit and passed a look with her husband, Ashwin Jhakar and spoke in a hesitant voice, 'we met last year...she had come to Delhi for some work...and to hand over the papers of our cottage to me. After that I haven't met her...though she calls me up sometimes.'
'Where is she living now?'
Pia seemed hesitant in giving answers, but after getting a sharp look from her husband, who after knowing Jai's identity had been more than willing to cooperate on anything he wanted, spoke in a sulking voice, 'Bangalore.'
Completely taken aback, Jai mumbled, 'Bangalore? What is she doing there?'
'She lives there with our old family friends...the Singh family. Their daughter and didi were best friends in Mukteshwar.'
Jai kept silent for sometime, politely refusing the offer of tea from the older woman, who seemed to be Pia's mother-in-law.
'What does she do there? I mean is she studying or...'
'She is working...though I don't remember where...she told me the name, I have forgotton it. I will ask her the next time she calls.'
'No...No...its okay...I was just worried about her whereabouts...and I am sorry about your father.'
Pia bit her lips and turned her face away slightly to hide her tears.
Jai got up and announced, 'Okay then...I will leave. And Pia...I would be obliged if you don't tell Bani that I came here...or anything regarding our meeting...I just wanted to find out how she was doing...and she sounds happy enough...lets just leave it at that.'
Pia had come to drop Jai off at the door, hesitating a bit, she said, 'I won't say anything to didi, if you insist...but she would be very, very happy to know that you still remember her.'
For the first time since he had come across the Dixit Family, did Jai felt a speck of fondness for Pia. In his memory, it was probably the only time that Pia had actually thought about Bani's happiness and for that itself, Jai felt that her hasty marriage to Ashwin Jhakar had done a world of good to someone like Pia.
'I hope she is very, very happy otherwise too, Pia...' and looking at her blanched, colorless face, said, 'I am not anyone to pass judgements here...but you don't look particulary happy, Pia. I am not sure what your problem is...but if that husband of yours is troubling you in anyway...you can let me know. I am pretty much used to handling his kinds. All the unsavory elements in this city are my loyal clients...it will just take a call for me to set them on work.'
Pia could not help but burst into a giggle on hearing Jai's words and said, 'No...nothing like that. Ashwin is okay...he...he is actually nice...but...I have come to realize what it means living with the burden of one's mistakes...everyday seems to be a challenge.'
Jai was quiet for sometime and then giving a gentle pat on the young girls' cheeks said, 'Well, realizing one's mistake is also a step to redemption...and looks like Bani has forgiven you already. So don't fret on what has happened. Try to make the best of whatever you have now.'
Pia smiled and replied back in a soft voice, 'Didi has changed a lot you know...I could barely recognize her when I last saw her...she looked so pretty...so elegant...made me wonder where had she hidden this beauty for all these years!'
Jai felt a thrill of pleasure in his heart and almost instantly flushed, when Pia added knowingly, 'Love can change people so much, isn't it, Mr. Walia?'
Not replying to her comment, Jai wore his sun-glasse and giving a short smile said, 'Adieu then...and take care...and do remember my offer of getting your husband beaten up if he ever gives you trouble!'
Pia shook with delighted laughter, appearing gay and young again, as she had always appeared back in Mukteshwar, but without that arrogance and obnoxiousness that had been her hallmark. And Jai could not but give a mental thumbs up to Ashwin Jhakar for having introduced his wife to humility and humanity.
Later that night
Jai could not help get the smile off his face, as he tried to sleep...he had not imagined that a meeting with Pia, of all the people, would make him so happy. Just hearing about Bani doing well in her life made Jai on top of the world!
Bangalore...he was supposed to fly down there in a couple of weeks for a seminar at the National Law School and a meeting with Purva's parents to solemnize the wedding date...it was such a wonderful coincidence! All it would take was a call to Bani and they could meet. But did he want to upset her new life by entering it again? From all accounts, she was coping well...she had completed her graduation as promised to him...she was employed and financially independent and from Pia's description, it seemed that the ugly duck had finally turned into a beautiful swan. From what Jai could make out, Bani's life was going perfectly fine!
Where did he fit in all this? Jai tossed and turned in the bed for a good part of the night, wondering whether he should try and meet Bani on his own!
Or leave it on destiny for them to meet again...
“We dream to give ourselves
hope. To stop dreaming - well, that’s like saying you can never change your
fate.”“Trying to forget really doesn't work. In fact, it's pretty much the same as remembering. But I tried to forget anyway, and to ignore the fact that I was remembering you all the time.”
- Rebecca Stead
Jai
Life was going good for him...infact it was soaring! Sometimes he couldn't believe that there was a time when he had given up all hope...sitting defenseless and dejected at his Oncologist's office, hearing him pronounce his death sentence. And even when he had beaten Cancer, Jai had felt everything that mattered to him in his life would be taken away from him and he would never get it back.
And today, more than 4 years after Jai's last chemotherapy session, here he was - hale and hearty, successful and flourishing, active and occupied...and happy.
The last adjective seemed a bit dicey...was he happy? There were times when he felt that he owned the world...everything was going great for him...his brother and he were back together...he had started his partying circuit again, he was no longer stuck in a lonely, far-off spot, away from civilization...he had once again started earning so much money that he simply did not know what to do with it. Yes, he was happy, if that is how one described happiness.
Then what was it that kept rankling his heart? What was it that pulled him into an abyss of misery and lonliness even in the midst of a crowd? Why was it that even when he was with the most beautiful, attractive and intelligent woman, his mind and heart wandered someplace else? What was it that kept him awake at night and simultaneously lulled him into sweet sleep?
Bani.
Maybe...if he hand't met Bani. He would probably have been happy. Genuinely happy. The way a man is really happy. Having beaten a life-threatening disease, having regained his lost health, having not just caught up on his career but doing even better than ever...all that had mattered to Jai at one time and he would certainly have been a happy man.
But that was before he had lost his heart to the girl-next-door and now try as he might, his life seemed to have been split into two halves...one part which convinced him that what he had now was his reality and that was his happiness...and one that kept telling him that she was his real happiness and without her, nothing else really mattered.
Jai and Nachiket
'Dada...you don't understand, I can't marry.' announced Nachiket quietly, while sharing a dinner with Jai in his apartment. Nachiket worked for a large Investment Bank and kept travelling frequently to Delhi on work, and always stayed with Jai, trying to spend as much time as possible with his older brother, in an attempt to make up for the lost period when they were estranged.
Jai gave an irritated snort and snapped back, 'Stop this sentimental tomfoolery, Chote! When I have forgotton about what happened, why on earth are you still hanging on to it? And what do you mean by you won't get married? What about your committment to that poor girl whom you have been taking out on dates and doing what not for the last so many years?'
Nachiket mottled a dark shade of pink, withering under his brother's sharp words and tried to speak again, 'Dada...I can't get over what I had done in the past...because of which you never got married...how can I go ahead with my new life when you are still...'
Cutting his brother short, Jai spoke in a clear voice, 'what happened is the past...I already regret blowing that issue out of proportion...and for goodness sake, Chote...my not getting married has nothing to do with Roshni or you. If anything, I should be thanking you for what happened. That marriage, had it happened, would have been a disaster on an epic scale...and I think I am infinitely better off being single than being stuck with a wife who would have been a millstone around my neck!'
Nachiket had teared up and was making circles with his fork on the dinner plate, not looking up at his brother, but Jai understood and kept a comforting hand on his younger brother's shoulder and said emphatically, 'Chote...please. If you don't get married to the girl you love because of me, I would have to live with guilt for the rest of my life...if happiness is waiting for you, why do you have to deliberately turn it away? I am very happy for both you and Purva...she is a lovely girl...you are very lucky to have someone like her...'
Nachiket seemed to ponder on his brother's words, when Jai added, 'Please Chote...I assure you...my not getting married has nothing to with you or with anything else...I just don't want to get into this institution...I am happy being single...I love my independence...but you have someone special in your life...someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't squander it for nothing!'
Nachiket had broken down crying, only to be hugged by Jai, who joked and said, 'And if you start off on this nonsense again, trust me...this time I would be the one making out with your woman...'
'Dada!' yelped Nachiket, breaking into laughter as both the brothers hugged one another and Jai asked Nachiket to fix a meeting between him and Purva's parents as soon as possible.
Jai and Ranveer
Jai had thrown a casual party for some of his colleagues and friends at his Chattarpur Farmhouse and since there was no lady to do the hosting duties, he had requested his best friend Ranveer's wife Sneha to do the same. The party was in full swing and after having greeted all the guests, Jai found a quiet corner for himself and sat down on the wooden swings, sipping his scotch and soda, looking lost and pensive.
'A penny for your thoughts!' interrupted Ranveer's friendly voice, making Jai startle and look up at his friend.
'Hey!' Jai remarked absently, ushering Ranveer to take a seat.
'What's up? Why is the life and soul of every Page 3 party sitting all by himself in a corner when there is a party going on in his very own house?' questioned Ranveer.
'Nothing yaar...just feeling tired...I have been travelling non-stop for the last one month...not getting a break...besides, Sneha is doing such a great job of hosting! You are really lucky to have a wife like her!' remarked Jai with a distracted smile.
Ranveer stared thoughtfully at his friend and spoke in a tempered voice, 'Jai, if you are missing her so much, why don't you just call her up? Why do you have to consciously hurt yourself in this manner?'
Abashed at his friend's statement, Jai looked at him with hostility and tried to defend himself, but somehow was unable to do that.
'Jai...you can hide your feelings from everyone...but we have known each other since junior school...I can look at you and guess what is in your mind!'
Jai snapped back in a cantankerous voice, 'there is nothing in my mind! I told you, I am just physically exhausted...the work has been unrelenting...'
'Its your soul that has got exhausted, Jai...not your body...you are missing that girl and that is a fact. Whether you confess to it or not!' answered back Ranveer sanguinly.
Jai did not reply to the statement, instead drained his glass and spoke in a rough voice voice attempting to sound humourous, 'I just need to get laid...I don't even remember when last I was with a woman! Let me see if there is anyone in this party who would be willing for a night-cap!'
Ranveer just shook his head in exasperation and answered back, 'Yes...this is exactly what a man in love needs to do. Sleep around with random women and screw up whatever little chance of happiness he could have had!'
Before Jai could have a chance to retort, Ranveer got up and spoke to him, 'Jai...I don't know what is stopping you...I can guess, but I am not sure...so I will let you handle this on your own. But whatever your reasons are...however justified they might seem to you...just remember, that you are making all the decisions on your own, without asking her about it...so in your mind, you might be doing the 'right' thing...but in reality, what you are doing is very unfair and one-sided.'
Saying that, Ranveer walked off, leaving Jai speechless and numb.
What Ranveer had just said, was it really true? Was he being unjust by not telling Bani what he felt about her and why he could not be with her?
Suddenly, Jai felt so small and feeble..that girl...who hadn't even stepped out of the confines of her small town had opened her heart to him with the utmost sincerity and faith...not for once fearing that he might crush it or hurt her back...and he...a man of the world...was being such a wuss about his own feelings...not having the courage to tell her what he felt, instead giving reasons to himself for not having told her the truth...for having broken her heart.
Mid-night
When the last of the guests had gone away, Jai had retired to his room in the farmhouse and after giving much thought, he finally managed to dial Bani's landline number in Mukteshwar, even as his fingers shivered and he wondered how she would react to his call, after more than 3 years. He did not even know whether he would be able to speak to her or not, maybe just listen to her voice and cut the phone.
The number kept ringing, till a sleepy voice answered back, 'Kaun hai?'
Jai was taken aback by the unfamilar tone...it was certianly not Mr. Dixit's genial voice nor was it Pia's arrogant squeal and it was definitely not Bani's sweet, shaky tremor.
'Er...can I speak with Ms. Bani Dixit please?' Jai asked uncertainly.
'Hain? Kaun?'
'Bani Dixit. B-A-N-I. Can I speak with her?' repeated Jai patiently.
'Wrong number hai, bhaisahab. No Bani lives here.' and saying that the phone was cut abruptly.
Taken aback, Jai instantly dialled the number again.
'Hello!'
'Can I speak with Bani...'
'Arre Baba...why are you spoiling my sleep unnecessarily? I am telling you, its a wrong number...no Bani Dixit lives here.'
'Who are you?'
'Mukund Kandpal. And I don't know any Bani Dixit. Goodnight.'
Before the phone could be cut again, Jai spoke up, 'Just a second..is this Cottage number 23...Joshi Lane, Mukteshwar?'
'Haan Baba...address is correct and phone number is correct also. But the Kandpal family lives here now.'
'But the Dixit's used to live here...atleast till 3 years back? Where are they now?' asked Jai, sounding completely bewildered and shocked at the unexpected turn of events.
Mukund Kandpal, now his sleep disturbed, answered back irritatedly, 'I don't know...we purchased the cottage one year back through some Mr. Ashwin Jhakar...'
'Ashwin Jhakar? Who the hell...forget that...but someone must have been living here when you came, isn't it?'
'Arre Baba, no! It was empty. There was no one living. Listen, I have to leave early for work tomorrow, if you have finished your cross-questioning, can I go back to sleep?'
Jai was so taken aback by the unexpected development, that he did not even realize when the other man had cut the phone, disconnecting the line, least the pesky mid-night caller call up again.
Next Day
Telling Sheryl to push back his appointments for sometime, Jai set about calling Girdhari in Mukteshwar, worried as hell about Bani and the Dixit Family, wondering why they sold off their ancestral house and where could they possibly be?
It took a couple of rings for Girdhari to pick up the phone and another excruciating ten minutes for Jai to explain who he was, followed by excited squeals and greetings from the old care-taker.
'Yes...Yes...I am fine, Girdhari. Thank you very much. Listen, I called up for something very important. I was trying to call Bani...someone else picked up the phone and they have no clue about the Dixit's. What is wrong? Where is Bani and the others?'
Girdhari sounded shocked and muttered, 'Vakil Sahib, you don't know about Dixit Babu then?'
'Obviously not. Would I be sounding so confused, had I known about it? What happened?'
'Bada bura hua Vakil Sahib. Dixit Babu died three years ago...'
Stunned by the news, Jai could hardly react and the first question he asked was, 'What about Bani?' and then added, 'And her sister, Pia? Where are they? Why did they have to sell off their home?'
Girdhari muttered mournfully on the phone, 'Arre, kya bataye Vakil Babu...that Pia...she dishonored not only her sister and father...but the entire town...ran away with some chap...leaving a letter behind for her poor sister and father...Dixit Babu fell ill after that and never recovered. Poor Bani bitiya...left an orphan.'
Jai felt his heart missing a beat...he could not believe what he was hearing! So much had happened in the last three years and here he had been sitting clueless and happy that Bani was getting along in life! What a huge mistake he had made.
'Girdhari...where is Bani?'
Girdhari seemed to take some moment off to think and said, 'She went off with some old family friends, Sahib. Left Mukteshwar...I don't remember where...infact, she had given me her address...had told me that if you ever call up, I should let you know where she is.'
Jai was so overwhelmed by all that he heard, he found it difficult to even speak properly.
'Tell me the address right now, Girdhari.'
Girdhari seemed to pause and then spoke in an apologetic voice, 'Maafi Sahib...I don't know where I misplaced it...infact, Bani bitiya used to call up till about a year back...but for the last few months, her phone has stopped coming...I don't even remember the name of the place she went to.'
This was all Jai could take before yelling, 'YOU BLOODY OLD CRONE!' and banged his mobile on his desk with such vehemance, that Sheryl came running inside wondering what had happened.
2 Weeks Later
Jai was in the midst of an important board meeting, when his phone rang on silent mode and despite the disapproving looks from his board of directors, Jai excused himself and went outside to take the call.
'Hey Kurien...do you have some information?'
'Hello Mr. Walia...Um...not much to be honest. I did get to know that Mr. Ashwin Jhakar who arranged to get the house sold is married to the younger Ms. Dixit.'
Stunned, Jai remarked, 'Pia's husband? When...how...Oh, forget it! What about Bani Dixit? Any idea where she went?'
'Not really...we tried to enquire from the neighbours...but they don't seem to know much...but I could confirm one thing. A year back, she had collected her graduation degree from Delhi University...I had checked that reference you gave me...the college has the records of her signature ect. on recieving the degree.'
Jai heaved a sigh of relief...so she was hale and hearty till atleast a year back. 'But no clue on where she is now? The college must have taken some address or some contact from her.'
'No Sir. The address in the college records are that of Mukteshwar...there is really no trace of her after that.' and hesitating a bit added, 'If you are willing to let me print a picture of her in the newspaper, there is a much higher chance of getting a positive report.'
'No.' said Jai emphatically. There was no way that he was putting her picture in the newspaper and landing her in some sort of trouble...especially if she was married by now.
'Okay Sir. Then I will just keep trying...Sir, I have an idea. Why don't you try and speak with Mr. Jhakar? His wife is Ms. Dixit's sister afterall. I am sure they must have some idea.'
'Text me his number, Kurien...and keep me in the loop if anything come up.'
'Right Sir. Goodbye.'
Jai went back to the conference room to participate in the rest of the meeting, but found his attention wavering constantly. He could not rest in peace till he was assured about Bani's well-being and found it impossible to forgive himself for not being with her during her darkest days.
Jai and Pia
Jai looked completely out of place in the congested, seedy looking locality of Padav Nagar, a lower-income suburb in the eastern part of Delhi. His personal security guard, Shera gave a menacing look at the people who had surrounded Jai's posh Lamborghini and shooed the kids away. If he wondered what his boss was doing in such an area, he kept his wonder to himself, instead doing his duty with an impassive expression.
Jai read the nameplate outside the decript looking house, 'Jhakars' and gave a sharp knock.
A suspicious looking older woman opened the door and Jai found himself face to face with a young man and Pia, whom Jai could barely recognize as the flighty yet pretty girl from his stay in Mukteshwar. She seemed to have aged all of a sudden and looked pretty much unkempt and slovenly, dressed in a drab salwar kameez, that comically reminded Jai of Bani's clothes back in Mukteshwar.
Without cutting corners, Jai came straight to the point, 'I came to enquire about Bani. Do you have any contact with her?'
Pia fidgeted a bit and passed a look with her husband, Ashwin Jhakar and spoke in a hesitant voice, 'we met last year...she had come to Delhi for some work...and to hand over the papers of our cottage to me. After that I haven't met her...though she calls me up sometimes.'
'Where is she living now?'
Pia seemed hesitant in giving answers, but after getting a sharp look from her husband, who after knowing Jai's identity had been more than willing to cooperate on anything he wanted, spoke in a sulking voice, 'Bangalore.'
Completely taken aback, Jai mumbled, 'Bangalore? What is she doing there?'
'She lives there with our old family friends...the Singh family. Their daughter and didi were best friends in Mukteshwar.'
Jai kept silent for sometime, politely refusing the offer of tea from the older woman, who seemed to be Pia's mother-in-law.
'What does she do there? I mean is she studying or...'
'She is working...though I don't remember where...she told me the name, I have forgotton it. I will ask her the next time she calls.'
'No...No...its okay...I was just worried about her whereabouts...and I am sorry about your father.'
Pia bit her lips and turned her face away slightly to hide her tears.
Jai got up and announced, 'Okay then...I will leave. And Pia...I would be obliged if you don't tell Bani that I came here...or anything regarding our meeting...I just wanted to find out how she was doing...and she sounds happy enough...lets just leave it at that.'
Pia had come to drop Jai off at the door, hesitating a bit, she said, 'I won't say anything to didi, if you insist...but she would be very, very happy to know that you still remember her.'
For the first time since he had come across the Dixit Family, did Jai felt a speck of fondness for Pia. In his memory, it was probably the only time that Pia had actually thought about Bani's happiness and for that itself, Jai felt that her hasty marriage to Ashwin Jhakar had done a world of good to someone like Pia.
'I hope she is very, very happy otherwise too, Pia...' and looking at her blanched, colorless face, said, 'I am not anyone to pass judgements here...but you don't look particulary happy, Pia. I am not sure what your problem is...but if that husband of yours is troubling you in anyway...you can let me know. I am pretty much used to handling his kinds. All the unsavory elements in this city are my loyal clients...it will just take a call for me to set them on work.'
Pia could not help but burst into a giggle on hearing Jai's words and said, 'No...nothing like that. Ashwin is okay...he...he is actually nice...but...I have come to realize what it means living with the burden of one's mistakes...everyday seems to be a challenge.'
Jai was quiet for sometime and then giving a gentle pat on the young girls' cheeks said, 'Well, realizing one's mistake is also a step to redemption...and looks like Bani has forgiven you already. So don't fret on what has happened. Try to make the best of whatever you have now.'
Pia smiled and replied back in a soft voice, 'Didi has changed a lot you know...I could barely recognize her when I last saw her...she looked so pretty...so elegant...made me wonder where had she hidden this beauty for all these years!'
Jai felt a thrill of pleasure in his heart and almost instantly flushed, when Pia added knowingly, 'Love can change people so much, isn't it, Mr. Walia?'
Not replying to her comment, Jai wore his sun-glasse and giving a short smile said, 'Adieu then...and take care...and do remember my offer of getting your husband beaten up if he ever gives you trouble!'
Pia shook with delighted laughter, appearing gay and young again, as she had always appeared back in Mukteshwar, but without that arrogance and obnoxiousness that had been her hallmark. And Jai could not but give a mental thumbs up to Ashwin Jhakar for having introduced his wife to humility and humanity.
Later that night
Jai could not help get the smile off his face, as he tried to sleep...he had not imagined that a meeting with Pia, of all the people, would make him so happy. Just hearing about Bani doing well in her life made Jai on top of the world!
Bangalore...he was supposed to fly down there in a couple of weeks for a seminar at the National Law School and a meeting with Purva's parents to solemnize the wedding date...it was such a wonderful coincidence! All it would take was a call to Bani and they could meet. But did he want to upset her new life by entering it again? From all accounts, she was coping well...she had completed her graduation as promised to him...she was employed and financially independent and from Pia's description, it seemed that the ugly duck had finally turned into a beautiful swan. From what Jai could make out, Bani's life was going perfectly fine!
Where did he fit in all this? Jai tossed and turned in the bed for a good part of the night, wondering whether he should try and meet Bani on his own!
Or leave it on destiny for them to meet again...
- Amy Tan, The Hundred Secret Senses
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